Tuesday, August 31, 2004

the scream.

I was walking along a path with two friends - the sun was setting - suddenly the sky turned blood red - I paused, feeling exhausted, and leaned on the fence - there was blood and tongues of fire above the blue-black fjord and the city - my friends walked on, and I stood there trembling with anxiety - and I sensed an infinite scream passing through nature.


[The Scream by Edvard Munch, 1894]

They painted up your secrets
And the lies they told to you
And the least they ever gave you
Was the most you ever knew
And I wonder where these dreams go
When the world gets in your way
What's the point in all this screaming
You're not listening anyway

[audiophile : acoustic no.3/ goo goo dolls]

it isn't urgent or imperative that i say this...

somehow it's on days like this that i feel strangely bipolar. the old feelings creep back like the remnants of a drug addiction, drawing me into familiar territory.

alas, it is all so wrong to indulge, especially when the exams are so near, isn't it?

Monday, August 30, 2004

my love is like a red, red rose.

O my love is like a red, red rose,
That s newly sprung in June;
O my love is like a melody,
That's sweetly played in tune.

As fair art thou my bonnie lass,
So deep in love am I,
And I will love thee still my lass,
Til a the seas gang dry.

[my love is like a red, red rose by robert burns]

this poem is so pretty! with accompanying music, it sounds very sweet and inspiring. try the version by izzy. :)

friends is getting really sad. everyone's going to be a sobbing mess when the finale comes.

(as you can see, i am rambling. my mind is officially stagnated. so is my life... i'll probably not blog unless there is something i have an imperative need to say. till then, love!)

Sunday, August 29, 2004

wallflower.

me : oh my goodness the victoria secret fashion show is on tv now. go watch it's like some porn flick!

mari: no bean we must swear off tv...

(haha.)

i'm really sad the olympics ends tomorrow morning. now there'll be nothing much left to look forward to on late nights and early mornings. no more being a couch-potato-athelete. sigh.

quite excited about the teachers' day concert on tuesday. in case no one remembers... yifong and i were the programme i/cs last year. i think designing the beeeeeg cake ourselves was one of the highlights. hope everything goes well for our nice juniors, jinyee and weilin. :)

revelations.

wouldn't you have wanted to know some people less well, once you saw their true colours?

wouldn't you have been more selective with who you trusted, had you known how reckless some people could be with it?

wouldn't you have been more careful with your heart, had you known how undeserving some people were?

wouldn't you have praised adversity and hoped its blessing of enlightenment had come earlier, had you known it would show you who was true, and who wasn't?

wouldn't you have relished loving and leaving, had you known it would tell you who truly mattered in the end?

wouldn't you have delighted in your pain, had you known it would break the shell that enclosed your understanding?

wouldn't you have?

i would.

Saturday, August 28, 2004

spirited awaaaay.

You're my special angel, show me the way
It's just that there is no one who can
Ever take your place
So bring me back the days before
There are so many things
You have to learn from us all

[audiophile : you're my special angel/ geraldine ho]

that's yixin's former hockey coach for you. from the teenage textbook soundtrack, yum.

i need more reading material. my dad is hiding the new issues of discover magazine, national geographic and even time and newsweek in his bid to stop me from reading till the wee hours of morning. of course it hasn't really been working. i almost always manage to dig out something to read.

proof that sleeping late is bad for you... at 3am this morning, i had quite nasty fall in the kitchen which was slippery for some reason. and the worst thing was having no one awake to call for help and sitting there for like five minutes before i was able to stand up. i realise it sounds funny, but i was feeling quite desperate at that time.

and now, there's absolutely nothing going in my life now except the nearing of the exams.

thank heavens.

Thursday, August 26, 2004

and then some.

Kiss me out of the bearded barley
Nightly, beside the green, green grass
Swing, swing, swing the spinning step
You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress

Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight
Lead me out on the moonlit floor
Lift up your open hand
Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance
Silver moon's sparkling
So kiss me

[audiophile : kiss me/ sixpence none the richer]

tomorrow's the last day of formal lessons.

a dandy afternoon in the library, watching the rain wash the glass panels clean while pondering over the wonders of physics.

a strangely quiet class absorbed in writing heartfelt notes for our fellow classmates during the last CT period.

another recess in which someone gets drenched by water from shauna's pink bottle.

another time clement gets used as the subject matter for demonstrations by our tutors.

another game of basketball during PE in which we end up collapsing on the ground in laughter.

another last time, and then some.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004

you are the only chance i'll take.

A promise between friends means never having to ask why.

or something like that. phoebe was a riot yesterday on friends! i'm really going to miss the show on mondays when the season ends. well at least the last episode is during vacation week and not prelims.

i am listening to one of the songs that took me through june, the month of self-discovery, self-renewal and well plain old mugging...

When everything inside me
Looks like everything I hate
You are the hope I have for change
You are the only chance I'll take


And I'm on fire when You're near me
I'm on fire when You speak
I'm on fire burning at these mysteries

[audiophile : on fire/ switchfoot]

awww the lyrics are so heartwarming. i like the lines in italics. :)

Monday, August 23, 2004

your hair never falls in quite the same way.

How many lovers would stay?
Just to put up with this shit day after day
How did we wind up this way?
Watchin' our mouths for the words that we say
As long as we stand here waitin'
Wearin' the clothes of the souls that we choose
How do we get there today?
When we're walkin' too far for the price of our shoes

Your clothes never wear as well the next day
And your hair never falls in quite the same way
You never seem to run out of things to say

This is the story of a girl
Who cried a river and drowned the whole world
And while she looks so sad in photographs
I absolutely love her
When she smiles

[audiophile : story of a girl/ nine days]

yay this is so nice! i absolutely love it!

if you all haven't realised, i'm back on msn... i decided to download it to engage shauna's help for my personal statement but she is nowhere to be found now. the msn messenger download was screwed, so i'm on trillian now. which has quite a neat interface and is useful if you want to be on icq, yahoo messenger, aim, msn and irc all at once (though i can't fathom why anyone would want to). sigh i realise i do miss my firefox. but if i download it this computer will be slower than how it already is, so no go.

okay. back to my personal statement.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

some people live just to play the game.

Some people search for the fountain
The Promise is forever young
Some people need three dozen roses
And that's the only way you prove you love them

Hand me the world on a silver platter
And what good would it be
With no one to share
With no one who truly cares for me

Some people want it all
But I don't want nothing at all
If it ain't you, babe
If I ain't got you, baby
Some people want diamond rings
Some just want everything
But everything means nothing
If I ain't got you

[audiophile : if i ain't got you/ alicia keys & usher]

this is probably the best song on air now. lovelovelove alicia keys and usher!

in the dark it is easy to pretend...

Night time sharpens, heightens each sensation
Darkness wakes and stirs imagination
Silently the senses abandon their defenses
Helpless to resist the notes I write

For I compose the music of the night

Slowly, gently, night unfurls its splendor
Grasp it, sense it, tremulous and tender
Hearing is believing, music is deceiving
Hard as lightning, soft as candlelight
Dare you trust the music of the night

Close your eyes for your eyes will only tell the truth
And the truth isn't what you want to see
In the dark it is easy to pretend
That the truth is what it ought to be

[audiophile : the music of the night/ michael crawford]

an old favourite from the phantom of the opera. the lyrics are what dreams are made of! i especially like the line in the first verse that goes "silently the senses abandon their defences, helpless to resist the notes i write." i don't know how michael crawford looks like but his voice makes me what to say "take me, take me with your music..." haha.

why am i still up at this wee hour? just ended marathon mugging and was getting bored out of my wits. wtf. i don't even have msn so i can't disturb people online now. yadda yadda, i'm not about to start again.

i've enjoyed emailing vi and reading her reply... well my erm conclusion for today is as follows.

when you consciously make the effort to forget, it may not mean your subconsciousness has forgotten.

how then do you forget something that meant alot to you in the past?

in truth, you don't. you probably can't. it is only when you subconsciously are not thinking about it anymore, can your consciousness realise it and you be at peace with yourself. you know you haven't forgotten, but somehow that doesn't affect you as much anymore.

now decipher that.

Saturday, August 21, 2004

Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.


[the new colossus/ emma lazarus]

Friday, August 20, 2004

it only breaks my heart.

You know it only breaks my heart
To see you standing in the dark
Alone waiting there for me to come back
I'm too afraid to show

If it's coming over you
Like it's coming over me
I'm crashing like a tidal wave
That drags me out to sea
I want to be with you
If you want to be with me
Crashing like a tidal wave
I don't want to be
Stranded...

[audiophile : stranded/ jennifer paige]

tis always nice to hear one of your favourite songs on the radio.

today is just one of those days. i feel utterly spent.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

i love the light that brings...

... a smile to your face.
[hold on/ sarah mclachlan]

something that happened in school today left me quite shaken. the reality of the situation is apparent, but i don't want to burn out so soon... in good faith, i believe we will make it through just fine.

shauna told me she reads my blog regularly so that she can be sure i'm alive. haha i'll be back on msn soon enough, folks.

other than that, it was just another uneventful school day. i'm glad my formal schooling is going to be over soon. i will definitely miss some people when we part ways, but right now school is just a drag. seeing certain individuals also ups the drag factor immensely.

hold on, hold on to yourself, this is gonna hurt like hell.

vested interest.

A little late for all the things you didn't say
I'm not sad for you
But I'm sad for all the time I had to waste
'Cause I learned the truth
Your heart is in a place I no longer want to be
I knew there'd come a day I'd set you free 'cause
I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired

Your love isn't fair
You live in a world where you didn't listen
And you didn't care
So I'm floating, I'm floating on air (I am on air)

[audiophile : sick and tired/ anastacia]

i'm in a rather yadda-yadda mood having studied from 7.30pm all the way to midnight. the teachers are like piling revision exercises and remedials on our heads. i can hardly breathe, but i suppose i need it.

anyhow this thursday morning is quiet and peaceful save for li jiawei playing table tennis on tv now. she's doing pretty okay, winning the first two sets but losing the third. we'll see.

it occurs to me that it is best that i don't hear about some things. because the more i am informed the more i realise i didn't really want to know in the first place. as the philosopher alberto knox advised in sophie's world, wisest is she who knows she does not know.

i would be content everyday just to be near him. of all the strange and beautiful boys i know, he is the strangest and the most beautiful. there's no emotional investment, just the warmth of camaraderie.

and that just makes me sound like such a sucker, doesn't it? :)

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

here i go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you.

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do

You are my only, my only one

[audiophile : only one/ yellowcard]

please be reminded that you have reached your quota of the number of evil and mean things you can do to a single person.

yeah, do be reminded.

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

but not right now.

How the hell did we wind up like this?
Why weren't we able, to see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Let's rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror

Nothing's wrong, just as long as
You know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
I'm gonna make it all right but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)

[audiophile : someday/ nickelback]

tuesday feels like the longest day of the week, though that would in fact be friday.

confronted by the past, i've realised a few inalienable truths... (here i pay tribute to the person who has been anonymously posting words of wisdom on life and love here. who are you?)

there are some people i'll always know by heart, but there are also those i'll never know, or need to know for that matter. it helps to be aware that any emotions felt here are only momentary and that there's no love lost in the end.

whatever. had green tea with my vi today! gawwwd i miss her.

Monday, August 16, 2004

in the heat of summer sunshine...

... i miss you, like nobody else.
[summer sunshine/ the corrs]

looking through the homecoming carnival photos on the council webbie, i managed to spot myself in the middle of one of the mass dance photos. i wonder what/ who i was smiling at. ku is standing just a bit in front of me, looking totally absorbed in her dancing, wahaha. spot the councillors from the thirtieth! i see waiye, benjy, kahyong, gullnaz, fuzz, cheryl, chris, ku and me.

having your junior chase you with a deadline when it used to be your job seems quite surreal. we have retired already! well richmond owes me a treat now.

the olympic games are a welcome distraction from the mundaness of study. the ultimate showdown of michael phelps and ian thorpe soon! i'm such a groupie.

Friday, August 13, 2004

all you've done is going to come back twice.

I've been thinking about you, my love
And all the crazy things that you put me through
Now I'm coming around, throwing it back to you
Were you thinking of me when you kissed him
Could you taste me when you licked his skin
All the while I showered you with trust and promises

What I'm needing now is some sweet revenge
To get back all that I lost then
I gave you all I had to give, but I could never reach you

[audiophile : adrienne/ the calling]

when i say i'm tired and want out, i do explicitly mean it. it also indicates that i won't put up with anything i didn't sign on for anymore. in case you haven't realised, you are undeserving of anyone's time or energy.

one thing i've learnt from coming from a convent school is that it doesn't hurt to be articulate when you're angry. or to be a bitch, for hell hath no fury.

each day that passes is an inch closer to the prelims. i abhor the weekends and live only for my thursdays.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

pull the trigger.

what we acquired finally from all this was nothing more than an awareness of where we stood. tis evident that what once was special now leaves us cold. i can't forgive the past, and he has lost his faith. but honesty is always the best policy, now there will be no more lies, no more expectations.

as for you, you are deserving of everything you're going through now and are going to go through in future. i don't suppose i need to make it more obvious who i'm talking about. by the way, i have a whole string of expletives waiting for you, all i need is the trigger. if it never comes, here's the same piece of advice i've given you before... (ironic i know, but i can't help myself) grow up.

isn't it about time already?

and the reason is you.

perhaps i am different now, but he still seems very much the same to me... and as i have changed, i react differently and certain things don't affect me much as before. i am glad they cannot affect me. it is not, perhaps, whether i care or not, but that it doesn't occur to me as an issue whether i care. as we are now, peace is the most precious thing... peace doesn't actually have feelings associated with it. peace doesn't plant expectations in you, nor does it sap your energy mercilessly like happiness or sadness can.

what time has taught me is that true friends will always share some sort of connection between them no matter what happens. and that when someone is truly your friend, you should not have to doubt or question it, because it will be evident to you two. the bond you share will be staring at you in the face rather than obscurely waiting for you to seek it.

some words will only be applicable at a particular time, so it is perhaps better to consider their long-term rather than short-term effects. there could be potentially drastic consequences from saying something and then having to disappoint that person in the long run. it would say alot more to show what you feel through your actions rather than empty words.

my thoughts for today are such.

thursday i'm in love.

I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too
Thursday I don't care about you
It's Friday I'm in love

Monday you can fall apart
Tuesday, Wednesday break my heart
Thursday doesn't even start
It's Friday I'm in love

[audiophile : friday i'm in love/ the cure]

okaaay i know this song is about friday. but i don't care, i love my thursdays. and since it's thursday morning already, my good mood has been restored. yes something good is finally going to happen today, yadda yadda but i shan't tell you what. just that it most probably should be good. hmmm maybe i shouldn't speak too soon? ah who gives a shit... it's thursday! everything's dandy on a thursday.

and ku hits the nail on the head! you ought to listen to F.I.R. if you haven't yet. ignoring the fact that they're excessively packaged and well-groomed, their songs rock my socks!

all right i'm off to read my national geographic and discover magazines.

Wednesday, August 11, 2004

quiet is the new loud.

Even though I'll never need her
Even though she's only giving me pain
I'll be on my knees to feed her
Spend a day to make her smile again

Even though I'll never need her
Even though she's only giving me pain
As the world is soft around her
Leaving me with nothing to disdain

Even though I'm not her minder
Even though she doesn't want me around
I am on my feet to find her
To make sure that she is safe and sound

The sun sets on the war
The day breaks and everything is new

[audiophile : winning a battle, losing the war/ kings of convenience]

unrequited love is alas, often pointless and lacking in destination. but the lyrics here are beautiful, nonetheless. great for sitting around and soaking up the sad atmosphere, if you have one.

all dogs go to heaven.

my first dog paco has since passed from our midst, but i miss him all the time. i will look at no photographs for the moment, because i know i will cry. right now i just want to remember him as he was when we left him that day... spirited, excited and sadly, trusting.

i'm so sorry baby... if you're listening, your mommy misses you very much.

all dogs go to heaven. i've always enjoyed this cartoon. it has all the right ingredients... themes of loyalty, friendship, honour and irresistably cute dogs.

When dogs go to heaven, they don't need wings, because God knows that dogs love running best.

i don't want to make myself feel better about this. i just hope my baby's enjoying himself somewhere where the fields are always filled with delicious-smelling things, the skies always a calm, serene blue and everyone always happy and warm.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

F. U. B. R.

it has been a while since jan showed me her phone and said, do you know what F. U. B. R. means, bean? Fucked Up Beyond Redemption. wahaha, i'm not quite there yet but i'd better work harder!

watching chances fade and wondering what's real.

I've been driving for an hour
Just talking to the rain
You say I've been driving you crazy
Aand it's keeping you away
So just give me one good reason
Tell me why I should stay

'Cause I dont wanna waste another moment
In saying things we never meant to say

And I take it just a little bit
I hold my breath and count to ten
I've been waiting for a chance to let you in

[audiophile : breathe/ michelle branch]

riot on an empty street.

i am one happy camper today.


the kings of convenience
have made me very happy. went to HMV with dad in the afternoon... this record reminds me of how much i used to drown in one of their songs winning a battle, losing the war. it is just so perfectly melancholic and easy to dissolve into. you know the kind of song that identifies with you so much that you actually feel good indulging in your sorrow? (which is terribly self-indulgent and self-pitying, of course.) okay that sounded quite contradictory. nevermind.

i hope blogger support replies me soon. like wtf is wrong with their blog-deleting button? it doesn't delete my blog, it just deletes my ability to edit it. complain.

oh, i must thank dust a million for writing me a customised david tao, jay chou, elva hsiao and evonne hsu cd. dust, you shall receive a millionfold! thank you also to mari, shauna and kumei, who have always been nice and agreeable to writing me cds.

it isn't everyday that you get to see two hwachongians whom you both know on tv. but well, it's national day after all. :D

Monday, August 09, 2004

i've been thinking about you, my love.

random spurts of emotion are so childish. shame on me, i should grow up myself.

anyway i did consider downloading msn again after receiving two really amusing smses at this wee hour of morning. one from zhui, a classic moment he wanted to share that alas, i cannot. and the other from shauna, whose late-night bursts of inspiration i miss terribly. but well, this is a pointless discussion that i should have abandoned long ago. i just miss you silly billies! i'm such a recluse now that it's scary.

oh i'm in love with jay again, perhaps i always have and will always be in love with him. qi li xiang is formulaic, but magical all the same. i've been quite irritated that i haven't been able to find one of his old albums since i moved. what's worse, i can't even remember it's name though i think it's the third one. someone please copy it for me, i'll be eternally grateful!

reading my site referrers just amuses me to no end. it seems i have quite a healthy following. haha that's my egomaniacal alter-ego speaking.

it's national day already. -waves flag. i hope everyone is happy. :)

Sunday, August 08, 2004

you never learn.

in the end, you're just so revoltingly shallow. being shallow is no big deal. people just tend not to take you seriously. but being shallow and then blaming everyone else for your troubles is disgusting. don't expect anyone to love you when you've never cared yourself. the laughter stops sometime. grow up, already.

i suppose that cheapens everything. but i'm not sorry for it.

this is my 100th post here and it should have been happier.

Saturday, August 07, 2004

existence and extinction.

I see dead people. They don't see each other. They only see what they want to see. They don't know they're dead.
[haley joel osment in the sixth sense]

i believe that even if i were dead right now, i might not actually know it. or care for that matter. life is so transient, it's passing part and parcel of our existence.

Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered, and that my life is fleeing away.
[Psalm 39:4]

i wouldn't say i believe in ghosts but i've had erm, strange encounters. late one night, i sat at my porch talking to my dog paco when i spotted a lady with long, flowing hair standing across the road outside my neighbour's house. it was dark so i couldn't really see how she looked like. she was just standing there watching at me for some time, then suddenly when i happened to look up, she waved. i was slightly confused since i couldn't see her clearly, so i just went back inside. now get this... i don't have a neighbour living there with long, flowing hair. okay it is entirely possible she was visiting or something. but why would she be standing outside my neighbour's house? and watching me at that time of night? oh well.

on a lighter (and completely unrelated) note, i have said i'm quite tired of social activities. i won't go anywhere just to be a muse to someone. pity, wouldn't you say?

full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.

Life's but a walking shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And then is heard no more: it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.


[wordophile : act V sc V, william shakespeare's macbeth]

i found the village rather un-scary, un-thrilling and disappointing on the whole. am quite surprised it got rave reviews (well the critics liked the crappy unbreakable too.) i'm not about to give away the twist since there are so many people who are intending to watch the show.. but i saw it coming like halfway through. wtf, how can i actually see a twist coming? it's supposed to be a twist! and for once in a horror film i wasn't scared of the supposedly-scary-things. it almost seemed amusing that my favourite colour was described as the evil colour.

but well i concede the acting, particularly by debutante bryce howard and the delectable joaquin phoenix was played well with the right subtlety and nuance to make the characters believable. the love portrayed was sweetly moving in its innocence and purity. and perhaps the main point of the film was to prove that we have nothing to fear but ourselves, or fear itself, whichever you choose. other than that, i feel that the director seemed to be just having fun trying to play up the horror genre but failing terribly.

i'm just disappointed since this is probably the last movie i will watch before the prelims. perhaps you should still watch it if you want to, just to satisfy your curiosity.

Friday, August 06, 2004

duets...

She's a fool and don't I know it?
But a fool can have her charms
I'm in love and don't I show it?
Like a babe in arms

Love's the same old sad sensation
Lately, I've not slept a wink
Since this silly situation
Has me on the blink

I'm wild again, beguiled again
A simpering, whimpering child again
Bewitched, bothered, and bewildered am I

[audiophile : bewitched/ frank sinatra]

i feel so supersized today! am swearing off KFC for a while. i think that's the whole deal about fast food companies - they are really good at tempting us with coupons, discounts, buffets etc. though i don't really like KFC that much in the first place, we did have fun pigging out at thomson plaza, the new hip hangout.

i hereby proclaim my love for... this shop called the craft empire. it's different from any other craft shop i've seen in singapore. i loved the whimsical, country-themed items such as animal cups, saucers, bowls, clocks, fridge magnets, figurines... shauna got this adorable little figurine of a doll in cow's hide for her sister. and there was a "i love cows" door sign that just made me laugh.

i watching the village with my parents later. yay! they're the best dates ever.

Thursday, August 05, 2004

maybe there'll be an open door.

Maybe this Christmas will mean something more
Maybe this year love will appear
Deeper than ever before
And maybe forgiveness will ask us to call
Someone we love, someone we've lost
For reasons we can't quite recall


Maybe this Christmas
Maybe there'll be an open door
Maybe the star that shined before
Will shine once more

And maybe this Christmas will find us at last
In heaven at peace, prayed for at least
For the love we've been shown in the past

Maybe this Christmas

[audiophile : maybe this christmas/ ron sexsmith]

everything about this song is charming. the lyrics are especially heart-warming and optimistic. i think it was used for one of the OC trailers.

ku and i made an unplanned trip to town today. i'm quite pleased to have replenished my stationary and acquired a new pencilcase! i also bought jay chou's new offering qi li xiang (seven mile fragrance, i think), which is simply heavenly. actually it sounds quite similar to rest of his records. haha nevermind.

the village looks worth watching for a good scare. the director's m. night shyamalan, that funky indian guy who did the brilliant the sixth sense.

today is thursday, and thursday means the OC at eleven! everyone should watch it. i find it so amusing that marissa the babe was the repulsive vommiting girl from the sixth sense. :)

Wednesday, August 04, 2004

when you are real, you don't mind being hurt.

"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. "It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real."

"Does it hurt?" asked the Rabbit.

"Sometimes," said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. "When you are Real, you don't mind being hurt."

~ from The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams

--

someone posted this story anonymously. whoever you are, thank you... i found it very touching. :)

Tuesday, August 03, 2004

a midsummer night's dream.

This is the last time
That I'm ever gonna give in tonight
Are there angels or devils crawling here?
I just want to know what is blur and what is clear - to see

Still I can see the pain in you
And I can see the love in you
And fighting all the demons will take time
It will take time

The angels they burn inside for us
Are we ever, are we ever gonna learn to fly
The devils they burn inside of us
Are we ever gonna come back down - come around
I'm always gonna worry about the things that could break us

[audiophile : angels or devils/ dishwalla]

this one took a bit of time to grow on me. but after listening to mari's cd with a few dishwalla tracks, i have been converted. sample every little thing.

Lord, what fools these mortals be!

when i think of what i was doing, what i was feeling etc this particular day last year, i'm always nostalgic, always amused. perhaps this day last year was the stuff that makes for a midsummer night's dream. perhaps this day next year will be an entirely different story altogether. i wouldn't know, i don't write my own book of days.

If in your thought you must measure time into seasons, let each season encircle all other seasons, and let today embrace the past with remembrance and the future with longing.

since today comes only once, may it be as happy, sweet and enchanted as i have wished for you.

Monday, August 02, 2004

same old, same old.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts; don't put up with
people who are reckless with yours.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes
you're behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with
yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults. If you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

[audiophile : everybody's free (to wear sunscreen)/ baz luhrmann]

this was popular quite some time ago. but certain parts will always remain relevant and almost touching although it's just this guy talking and trying to pass it off for a song.

Sunday, August 01, 2004

as constant as the northen star.

God my fingers burn
Now when I think of touching your hair
You have changed so much that I don't know
If I can call you and tell you I care
And I would love to bring you down
Plant your feet back on the ground

[audiophile : so beautiful/ pete murray]

i am convinced now that we are unknowingly intertwined by our pasts, our presents and our futures. in the end, we cannot escape our destinies as we are helpless in the big picture. it is beauty in uncertainty and perfectness in imperfectness that makes the world go round. and it is the knowledge that i am strong enough to learn from my mistakes that will keep me going. i have no regrets.

( HC ) ²

yesterday reminded me of how much i really love being a councillor. :)

( HC ) ², the hwa chong homecoming carnival in the day was great fun. council's dunking pool was a riot! although certain teachers backed out and i bet mr ang was hiding underneath his office desk. seeing mr lee getting all wet and having to wear the hwa chong pe t-shirt and shorts really cracked me up. for pie-throwing, people just ended up buying our pies to run around the field after their friends. i managed to smash a pie in marcus's face when he came to the booth a second time. (i missed the first time.) and whenever i met my classmates (shauna, mari and co) they were carrying water bombs or water guns to ambush me. terrible people! a pity though, that it rained in the morning so we had to have the launch in the auditorium instead. people were releasing their balloons at the wrong time and it kind of lacked the effect we had practised for in the central plaza. but no matter, we all had fun in the end.

perk yourselves up, councillors!

ushering at the ritz carlton in the evening mainly involved dragging ourselves out of post-carnival-stupor and putting on our brightest, most welcoming smiles. it wasn't easy. my pre-prom verdict on the ritz carlton ballroom is that it's an excellent choice. i missed last year's prom because of my high fever, but i'm definitely turning up this year.

happy birthday too, to pea, my partner in a pod. she was particularly sporting about spending her entire eighteenth birthday working for the council. good on you, dear. :)

council work has finally ended. all my time now should be devoted fully to study and personal time. there's a carnival holiday tomorrow! very pleased.