Thursday, September 30, 2004

through a looking glass darkly.

To the person in the bell jar, blank and stopped as a dead baby, the world itself is the bad dream.
[sylvia plath]

let me just say white chicks is a stupid movie! but it was quite amusing after all. and i'm in a nice bouncey mood today because i finally bought a purple "my little pony" figurine with white and pink hair. awwww she's so pretty! mari said i start feeling stupid after a while but nope, that time hasn't come yet.

i want to read jostein gaarder's sophie's world again but i'm not sure where my mom has packed it. you'll be surprised to learn that i'm almost finished with bill bryson's a short history of nearly everything. yes, i've been reading around the clock!

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

"everything happens for a reason" is no reason.

So what, so I've got a smile on
But it's hiding
The quiet superstitions in my head
Don't believe me
Don't you dare believe me
When I say I've got it down

i was thinking of this john mayer song throughout the day. quite miss it! thoroughly enjoyed myself at madd and jiahui's condo with wens, kees and cheryl. we watched the lion king II, went swimming, then watched garfield the movie. which was really quite stupid though odie is cute!

gosh, am feeling so very tired now.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

a different side of me.

i missed the class outing to sentosa today! but well i promised my mother i would go out with her, and i did have the bestest lunch ever - crystal jade dim sum! yummmm!

all i want to do right now is read, read and read some more. i feel so bookish! anyway i'm going swimming at mad's place tomorrow. how exciting!

okay i shall stop the exclamation marks, they do seem quite out of place but you must understand that i've been living a half-life since june. and i suspect i won't be woohoo-ing so much when the papers start coming back.

Monday, September 27, 2004

a short history of nearly everything.

yay i did many many things today, haha! for lunch, shauna, mari, ku and i went to burger king at thomson plaza. we then walked down thomson road to look at the puppies in the pet shops. ooooh! can't wait to see what dog shauna finally gets.

for dinner, it was the teachers' day comm chair treat at kublai khan. (yes, genghis' son.) courtesy of cheryl, our beloved comm chair! we were all terribly supersized after the buffet meal. then we couldn't decide on a movie to watch so we ended up watching trailers at cineleisure. i remember we had quite a nice time working as the smallest comm of only seven - cheryl, chris, benjy, ku, kahyong, yifong and me. quite nice to see them all together again.

gee i have more than enough reading material to last me till... whenever i decide to stop reading storybooks before As. my dad passed me his copy of bill bryson's a short history of nearly everything so i think i'll read that first.

perfect day, nothing's standing in my way...

Sunday, September 26, 2004

despite the falling snow.

She tells her love while half asleep,
In the dark hours,
With half-words whispered low:
As the Earth stirs in her winter sleep
And puts out grass and flowers
Despite the snow,
Despite the falling snow.

[Robert Graves]

went to the mph book fair at expo with my parents today. i got these at a steal-

  • before i say goodbye by mary higgins clark
  • cards on the table by agatha christie
  • half a life by v. s. naipaul
  • posession by a.s. byatt
  • ripley's game by patricia highsmith
  • the autograph man by zadie smith
  • the thirteen problems by agatha christie
  • when we were orphans by kazuo ishiguro

    not bad, eh? :D

    vertical limit
    is on channel 5 now! i think i must have watched this movie five times already. it's been one of my personal dreams to visit the himalayan region and climb. just imagine the beauty and the challenge!

    okay it's back to school (and reality) tomorrow. good luck to everyone getting back papers.
  • Saturday, September 25, 2004

    if i ain't got you baby.

    went to HMV in the morning. am rather pleased with my purchases-

    alicia keys- the diary of alicia keys and machi's new album (have to admit i can neither read its chinese name nor find a picture of it.)

    in the afternoon, i met ku, weif and waiye for some decadence at baker's inn. which wasn't so satisfying cos the service kinda sucked. o well. ku and i had a nice time at kinokuniya today. we spent time in our favourite sections- photography, art, literature, philosophy and psychology. surely, there are too many books with beautiful pictures and words that cost too much. :) joy! we visited gramophone, this music store at paragon which has a great selection of jazz and bossa nova cds. i think i only visit HMV cos of the many vouchers my nice parents have given me to use. if you're looking for slow, soulful listening, gramophone is the place to go.

    this is the life! but it's going to end all too soon. :(

    Friday, September 24, 2004

    hey now now...

    ... don't you know it's not really that complicated?
    [swirl 360]

    woohoo! i had so much fun at yvonne's today with my classmates. spent a nice afternoon swimming and watching the early seasons of friends on dvd. then we went to town to shop and have dinner.

    the OC is back! oliver is really painfully attractive, it's a pity he's has to be the drug addict cum neurotic evil guy.

    i suspect i'm going to fall in love with this lifestyle. :)

    Thursday, September 23, 2004

    hits and misses.

    for all those i've loved and lost, i would much rather have drifted unknowingly from them than have to experience all the complications that come from human relationships... the expectations and obligations, the hurt, pain and anger.

    on to lighter things, today was goooood. and tomorrow will be even better. goodness i sound almost bipolar.

    what a lovely thursday.

    Wednesday, September 22, 2004

    you light up my life.

    You are a force, you are a constant source
    Yeah, you are a shining light
    Incandescent in the darkest night
    Yeah, you are a shining light
    Yeah, you light up my life

    We made our connection
    A full on chemical reaction
    Brought by dark divine intervention
    Yeah, you are a shining light
    A constellation once seen
    Over Royal David's city
    An epiphany you burn so pretty
    Yeah, you are a shining light

    These are the days you often say
    There's nothing that we cannot do
    Beneath a canopy of stars
    I'll shed blood for you

    [audiophile : shining light/ ash]

    another song with pretty imagery! this is one of my favourite happy songs. and it really is so very happy and charming. everyone should listen to it.

    one more day! -waves.

    Tuesday, September 21, 2004

    eventually all things merge into one.

    Now nearly all those I loved and did not understand when I was young are dead, but I still reach out to them... Eventually all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world's great flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by waters.

    [from A River Runs Through it by Norman Maclean]

    i love the imagery here. the movie's really touching too. :)

    2 days!

    Monday, September 20, 2004

    dancing queen.

    Friday night and the lights are low
    Looking out for the place to go
    Where they play the right music
    Getting in the swing
    You come in to look for a king
    Anybody could be that guy
    Night is young and the music's high
    With a bit of rock music, everything is fine
    You're in the mood for a dance
    And when you get the chance

    You are the Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeen
    Dancing Queen, feel the beat from the tambourine
    You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life
    See that girl, watch that scene, dig in the Dancing Queen

    [audiophile : dancing queen/ abba]

    yay here i am indulging in some retro madness. this is for jac, a dancing queen in her own right, just because it was so nice seeing her today.

    more on MAF! before the grand light-up, i was walking around with ku, then she disappeared into the crowd and i suddenly found myself alone. the school's lights dimmed so everyone stopped moving in anticipation. so yea, i was like looking around thinking, where the hell is ku and stupid me was too stingy to call the councillors cos i didn't want to spend money on phonecall. then the fireball was lit and the fountain started... the most beautiful part of MAF and there i was standing alone among hoards of faces i couldn't recognise. how absolutely unromantic! but o well i managed to locate one familiar face after a while, quanyao from 78 who had lost everyone too. bah!

    killer papers tomorrow! statistics and reproduction on the very same day... nono i don't want to hallucinate like i did on the day of math and bio block test 2.

    i'll say a little prayer for all of you, nice readers of this nice blog. yay this shit existence is ending in three days time. :D

    Sunday, September 19, 2004

    i change the story, i am the story.

    I keep telling this story- different people, different places, different times- but always you, always me, always this story, because a story is a tightrope between two worlds.


    Saturday, September 18, 2004


    So when you ask me why I cannot love you more calmly, I answer that to love you more calmly is not to love you at all.
    [more jeanette winterson!]

    to tell you the truth, i went for MAF to see the 100% perfect boy. and i know he is 100% perfect, in all ways.

    but i won't tell you whether he turned up. (duh! -looks cryptic.)

    awww anyway MAF was quite fun. it was nice to see everyone again. oh and justin's group won the eating competition! not bad at all. i'm back early with a stupid headache so i think i'll go to sleep presently. see you all next year!

    on seeing the 100% perfect girl one beautiful april morning.

    One beautiful April morning, on a narrow side street in Tokyo's fashionable Harujuku neighborhood, I walked past the 100% perfect girl.

    To tell you the truth, she's not that good-looking. She doesn't stand out in any way. Her clothes are nothing special. The back of her hair is still bent out of shape from sleep. She isn't young, either - must be near thirty, not even close to a "girl," properly speaking. But still, I know from fifty yards away: She's the 100% perfect girl for me. The moment I see her, there's a rumbling in my chest, and my mouth is as dry as a desert.


    [Haruki Murakami]

    Friday, September 17, 2004

    of MAF, council, devotion and tearing oneself away.

    MAF is such a council thing. i can think of all the reasons why i want to go for MAF this year, and they're mostly related to council. the reasons are as follows-

  • to be with the 30th councillors again.
    tis always nice to have them around me. :)

  • to support our juniors.
    i seem to remember that after the months of hard work put into preparation for MAF last year, seeing the huge crowd enjoying themselves was a sort of confirmation that all our effort was worth it.

  • to soak up the family atmosphere.
    it's heartwarming to know that you belong to something.

  • to experience MAF as a guest.
    i spent almost the whole of MAF last year cooking in the student's lounge. which was quite fun too but my classmates were somewhere else enjoying themselves! and i almost missed the grand light-up haha but managed to run out in time.

  • to relive last year's MAF.
    esp all the special moments... singing on the stage, performing speedy gonzalez, watching the school suddenly being flooded with light... and the after-MAF too when we all took photographs around the fountain and the city gate.

  • to see our seniors again.
    some of them whom i haven't seen in ages!

  • to get away from the mundaneness of study.
    well don't we all?

    but... i have that dilemma known as the prelims vs MAF. and my mother won't let me go. she hasn't relented. i think i'll camp out somewhere tomorrow to study and judge her mood (and mine) then.

  • Thursday, September 16, 2004


    The past is magnetic. It draws us in. We cannot help ourselves, and as with other things that we cannot help in ourselves, we make up elaborate explanations, reasonable, rational explanations, to chant away the powerful things that don't belong to us.

    Love has got complicated, tied up with promises, bruised with plans, dogged with an ending that nobody wants-when all love is, is what it always is-that you look at me and you want me and I don't turn away.

    If I want to say no, I will, but for the right reasons. If I want to say yes, I will, but for the right reasons. Leave the consequences, leave the finale, leave the grand statements. The simplicity of what each of us owe. The admission charge is never on the door, but feeling should not be taxed. I can't work out what this will cost or you are open and I want to enter.

    [Jeanette Winterson]

    powerbook, such lovely prose. jeanette winterson, lesbian and angsty, writes hauntingly and beautifully.

    words fail me.

    Now that physics is proving the intelligence of the universe, what are we to do about the stupidity of mankind? I include myself. I know that the earth is not flat but my feet are. I know that space is curved but my brain has been condoned by habit to grow in a straight line. What I call light is my own blend of darkness. What I call a view is my hand-painted trompe - l'oeil. I run after knowledge like a ferret down a ferret hole. My limitations, I call the boundaries of what can be known. I interpret the world by confusing other people's psychology with my own. I say I am open-minded by what I think is.

    [Jeanette Winterson]

    i run after knowledge like a ferret down a ferret hole yes, knowledge eludes me!

    sigh. i must do better for chem paper 1 and 2 next week. must must must.

    but now i am tired and must rest.

    Wednesday, September 15, 2004


    Love gives naught but itself
    and takes naught but from itself.
    Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
    for love is sufficient unto love.

    [khalil gibran]

    Monday, September 13, 2004

    i've got nothing left to say.

    This time, all I want is you
    There is no one else
    Who can take your place
    This time, you burn me with your eyes
    You see past all the lies
    You take it all away
    I've seen it all
    It was never enough
    It keeps leaving me needing you

    Take me away, take me away
    I’ve got nothing left to say
    Just take me away

    sigh, friends has finally ended.

    right now, the sun is trying to kill the moon.

    We've got too much time to kill
    Like pigeons on my window sill, we hang around
    Ever since I've been with you
    You hold me up all the time I'm falling down

    joseph arthur sings it so sweetly and gently. i imagine you and i hanging around on the same window sill watching the world go by. at that particular moment, time would have stopped for us.

    Sunday, September 12, 2004

    all the lights are turning green to red.

    things that happen to us are not random occurences but conscious choices on our part. i.e. we engineer our own fates. thus, in the end we have only ourselves to blame if anything goes wrong.

    enough of my food for thought for today. i bid thee well!

    okay just to make her happy... i love dust!

    Saturday, September 11, 2004

    when you go it's the perfect ending.

    Did you know when you go it's the perfect ending
    To the bad day I was just beginning
    When you go all I know is you're my favorite mistake

    sheryl crow sounds perfectly angsty. oooh well i'm aware i've been sounding more and more bimbo, airy-fairy, devoid of organised thought etc on my blog. i will tell you that this is not really like me at all. my mind's just been a-flutter because the kaoshis are a-coming. yes, whatever. good luck to whoever's reading this for whatever you might need luck for. kaoshis, friendship, love, yes even love. :D

    Friday, September 10, 2004

    under skinned knees and skid marks.

    You're waiting for someone to put you together
    You're waiting for someone to push you away
    There's always another wound to discover
    There's always something more you wish he'd say

    He's everything you want, he's everything you need
    He's everything inside of you that you wish you could be
    He says all the right things at exactly the right time

    But he means nothing to you, and you don't know why

    [audiophile : everything you want/ vertical horizon]

    heard this over the radio today, and was reminded that i especially liked the intro. best i ever had is another great song by them, it's oh soooo sad! i think the juniors might be using it for the mid-autumn festival celebrations (or MAF), heard them playing it during the rehearsal. but i'm not sure what they've got up their sleeves. i haven't decided whether to turn up for MAF myself either, sigh.

    i'm sleepy but time is running short. prelims, almost now.

    Thursday, September 09, 2004

    an overload of information.

    Between an overload of information
    And the striving for a pure dedication
    I find myself looking for the exit sign
    See your pretty face in the sunshine
    In the morning after staying up all night
    I want to wake you just to hear you
    Tell me it's alright
    And all I want to be
    Is too much sometimes for me

    Good morning baby
    I hope I'm gonna make it through another day

    I see the stars and all the planets
    Fly the great wide world and have it all
    Yeah better get a ticket better get in line
    I'm praying now for beautiful weather
    Take a car and drive forever but I'm
    Only ever sitting at the traffic light

    And all the world to see
    Is too much sometimes for me

    [good morning baby/ dan wilson & bic runga]

    suddenly this song seems so relevant to my life right now. i feel like my mind has just run a marathon. spent a quiet afternoon at thomson saturating my brain with organic chem. oh yea, i've taken to calling my cow cowtae. daisy is relatively unsuitable since i call so many people daisy. wahaha.

    the olympus ads with my favourite korean actress jeon ji-hyun just rock my socks off. gosh this guy on tv is singing the temptations' my girl. the judges seem to like it but i don't agree, bah.

    i need a break.

    Wednesday, September 08, 2004

    the daisy chain reaction.

    in a powerfully good mood today, cos i finally bought the cow beanie baby i liked so very much from the coronation plaza toy shop. and with a stroke of inspiration, i've decided to name him/ her daisy. wahaha, how uncreative!

    consulting mr chow with dust was really much more fun compared to consulting him alone. i was so distracted by my cow that i actually called mr chow mr cow. think he wasn't very amused... :)

    yadda yadda. strange people commenting strange things on my blog. -quizzical look.

    Monday, September 06, 2004

    rainy days and mondays.

    i have resurrected something that i closed a while ago. hinthinthint. :)

    On the way down
    I saw you, and you saved me from myself
    And I won't forget the way you loved me
    And on the way down
    I almost fell right through
    But I held on to you

    [audiophile : on the way down/ ryan cabrera]

    hello world. drat, it's monday already!

    Saturday, September 04, 2004

    if you weren't real i would make you up.

    gawwwwd am i bored! this is awfully sweet and sad... such pretty lyrics.

    We're made out of blood and rust
    Looking for someone to trust
    Without a fight
    I think that you came too soon
    You're the honey and the moon
    That lights up my night

    But right now
    Everything you want is wrong,
    And right now
    All your dreams are waking up,
    And right now
    I wish that I could follow you
    To the shores of freedom
    Where no one lives

    [audiophile : honey and the moon/ joseph arthur]

    i never really understood why songs about revenge, anger, hatred etc could actually become popular. but now i know they exist for a reason- people need revenge, people need to be angry, people need to hurt themselves and hurt other people similarly. it's human nature. oh well, isn't it nicer to write songs about those whom you love and who love you? why waste precious words on those who won't appreciate them? :)

    i miss you vi, jan, didith... i love you so much.

    daisies and porkies forever.

    I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
    Watch you smile while you are sleeping
    While you're far away and dreaming
    I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
    I could stay lost in this moment forever
    Every moment spent with you is a moment I treasure

    Don't wanna close my eyes
    I don't wanna fall asleep
    'Cause I'd miss you baby
    And I don't wanna miss a thing
    'Cause even when I dream of you
    The sweetest dream would never do
    I'd still miss you babe
    And I don't wanna miss a thing

    [audiophile : i don't wanna miss a thing/ aerosmith]

    today was generally bad except for receiving tze phern's long overdue stepping-down present.

    but no matter. i'm thinking about my two favourite words, daisy and porky, and categorising everyone i know, as in yifongporky or jingyidaisy. okay i know i sound hallucinatory! bah. i wanted to put a picture of porky pig here but couldn't find a nice one. once i get my old computer back, i will design a porky pig layout. :)

    what is true friendship? something you know you don't have to question.

    and thus though i was in a confrontational mood today, i didn't have many questions to ask.