Sunday, October 31, 2004

it's de-lovely.

all the 03s75 girls minus siups and rachel. marian tried to cover my face in yet another photo but i managed to push her hand away in time. :) photo courtesy of cheryl.

And if you want it, you've got it forever
This is not a one night stand, baby

So let the music take your mind
Just release and you will find
You're gonna fly away
Glad you're goin' my way
I love it when we're cruisin' together
Music is played for love
Cruisin' is made for love
I love it when we're cruisin' together

[gwyneth paltrow & huey lewis]

listening to this song never fails to transport my mind back to 2000, when i had this song on my discman and my dad was cruising us down the american highways during our trip to california. i remember it was the elections then, when you could see all these bush-cheney and gore-lieberman posters everywhere. my dad and his american citizen brother were already against bush... and now it's the 2004 elections. four more years of bush! world peace is going to go down the drain.

it would have been nice to celebrate that ole pagan festival, halloween, but the A levels beckon. i wonder how hcjc's halloween party went. well maybe next year, folks.

Saturday, October 30, 2004

you think you know me.

I walked a thousand miles while everyone was asleep
Nobody's really seen my million subtleties

Got stains on my t-shirt and I'm the biggest flirt
Right now I'm solo, but that will be changing eventually, oh
Got bruises on my heart and sometimes I get dark

If you want my auto, want my autobiography
Baby, just ask me

[autobiography/ ashlee simpson]

woohoo! i'm not quite a fan of ashlee simpson's part-howling but this is funky! :)

and i'm in a rather good mood today because of a few discoveries! the first and biggest is... as of today, i have an incredibly fast connection! and i'm not paying a single cent for it. neither is any member of my household. i won't say how here but i expect you can guess, my dear informed citizens of the IT age. and the other discoveries are seemingly minor but significant things about certain individuals. no, not gossip. significant things.

i think i will be camping out tomorrow. i need to get away from my laptop!

and this postscript is for all of dust's brians - beware! (if you suspect you're a brian, check with dust.)

Friday, October 29, 2004

right now, everything you want is wrong.

Don't know why I'm still afraid
If you weren't real I would make you up, now
Wish that I could follow through
I know that your love is true and deep as the sea

[joseph arthur]

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

farewell, mocha.

this post is for mocha, the little dog whom mari loved very much and who endeared herself to everyone with her friendly charm. she died yesterday in a car accident by a crazy hit-and-run driver. she will live on in our hearts always. farewell, mocha.

Monday, October 25, 2004

answers 'death.'

I hate the dreadful Hollow behind the little wood;
Its lips in the field above are dabbled with blood red health,
The red ribb'd ledges drip with a silent horror of blood
And Echo there, whatever is ask'd her, answers 'Death.'

[Lord Tennyson]

doesn't this seem awfully macabre? the image of crimson, fresh death, a subtlely yet unnervingly beautiful sight... okay i shall stop now before i sound too sinister for my nice, innocent blog.

good day everyone.

Sunday, October 24, 2004

so what if i've got a smile on.

there are days i just feel like i don't know what i'm doing or where i'm going. and today is just one of those days. i'm just being horribly self-indulgent and self-pitying. which is all wrong. what a grand waste of time. i hate myself on days like this.

another meaningless blog post.

i've just realised it's one month to my birthday.

Friday, October 22, 2004

to me, you're strange and you're beautiful.

I've been watching your world from afar,
I've been trying to be where you are,
And I've been secretly falling apart, unseen.

To me, you're strange and you're beautiful,
You'd be so perfect with me but you just can't see,
You turn every head but you don't see me.

I'll put a spell on you,
You'll fall asleep and I'll put a spell on you.
And when I wake you,
I'll be the first thing you see,
And you'll realise that you love me.

[strange and beautiful/ aqualung]

awwww. this is so pretty. i remember celene sending it to me in sec4. another girl i miss alot!

went back to school today with my classmates to do my chem retest. open house was quite, quite happening! congrats to the juniors... the new council dance is interesting, though i must say scandalous is still my favourite council dance, duh! it's been such a long time since i've done the hwachong mass dances, cos i left early during MAF. so i did enjoy myself refreshing my memory. :) some of the councillors came back in sec. school uniform. i couldn't find mine! i think it's lost somewhere in the boxes of clothes my mom packed away.

nice distractions these are, but there are more important issues at hand. like the A level examinations!

Thursday, October 21, 2004

once more, with feeling.

Cover her face; mine eyes dazzle: she died young.

[The Duchess of Malfi, Act IV, Scene ii]

and it is always going to be like this- always you, always me, always polite, always friendly, always significant, always just right, nothing more and nothing less.

the essential simplicity of the affair quite surprises me.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

that may be all i need.

Sunday morning, rain is falling
Steal some covers, share some skin
Clouds are shrouding us in moments unforgettable
You twist to fit the mold that I am in
But things just get so crazy,
Living life gets hard to do
And I would gladly hit the road, get up and go if I knew
That someday it would lead me back to you
That someday it would lead me back to you

That may be all I need
In darkness she is all I see
Come and rest your bones with me
Driving slow on Sunday morning
And I never want to leave

[sunday morning/ maroon 5]

the exams are beginning presently.

i wish my esteemed readers the very best of luck. hope to meet up with those from good ole sngs- edith, sera, yun, yuwen, yuan, yixin, jing, janice, michelle, cheryl, kelly, eunice, pohling... when it's all over. i miss everyone so much!

in the meantime, i should get all these superfluous issues out of my mind.


You are an enzyme. You are powerful, dark,
variable, and can change many things at your
whim...even when they're not supposed to be
changed. Bad you. You can be dangerous or
wonderful; it's your choice.

Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

i couldn't resist trying this. :)

it's terribly late, i should get back to looking at cell structures and cell membranes.

wahaha. who am i kidding? chains and chains of daisies... -vacuous look.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

dance, dance, dance till you drop.

The desires of the heart are as crooked as corkscrews,
Not to be born is the best for man;
The second best is a formal order,
The dance's pattern; dance while you can.

Dance, dance, for the figure is easy,
The tune is catching and will not stop;
Dance till the stars come down from the rafters;
Dance, dance, dance till you drop.

[from Death's Echo by W.H. Auden]

Monday, October 18, 2004

like a good book, i can't put this day back.

On my way up north
Up on the ventura
I pulled back the hood
And I was talking to you
And I knew then it would be
A life long thing
But I didn't know that we,
We could break a silver lining

And I'm so sad
Like a good book
I can't put this day back

A sorta fairytale with you

[tori amos]

this song is a fairytale in itself. it has the prettiest, most magical lyrics. i'm not sure whether i've posted it here before but no matter, i enjoy reading the lyrics again.

my dear dust, you had better get over your infatuation with Brian Ignatius Ong also known as BIO quick. how dare you busy yourself with brian rather than talk to yours truly, the great beanbummmms?

you are such a daisy.

Saturday, October 16, 2004

Dial M for Murder.

The mirror crack'd from side to side; 'The curse is upon me!' cried the Lady of Shalott.
-- Alfred Lord Tennyson.

i've read so many agatha christie mysteries that i believe i could commit an almost-perfect murder if i put my heart to it. in the 1920s, the most popular ways of killing someone were apparently putting arsenic in his food, injecting cyanide in his veins with a hypodermic needle or wiring him up with a revolver so it looked like suicide.

of course, there's the stabbing through the heart. my absolute favourite book would be murder on the orient express, a story of intrigue, suspense and danger in immense proportions. i have a soft spot for hercule poirot, whose little eccentricities only serve to endear him even more to his fans.

but don't worry, i'm not out to murder anyone. as yet. :)

Friday, October 15, 2004

your river runs with love for me.

Over the mountains and the sea
Your river runs with love for me
And I will open up my heart
And let the Healer set me free
I'm happy to be in the truth
And I will daily lift my hands
For I will always sing
Of when Your love came down

I could sing of Your love forever

Oh, I feel like dancing
It's foolishness, I know
But when the world has seen the light
They will dance with joy
Like we're dancing now

[audiophile : i could sing of your love forever/ sonicflood]

i strongly recommend this song for anyone who needs a perk-me-up. it is so very happy, you see. it never ever fails to make me feel better when everything seems to be spinning off track. everyone repeat after me now, like a mantra: happy songs, happy songs, happy songs...

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

how low i could get down to the ground.

I tried to climb your steps
I tried to chase you down
I tried to see how low I could get down to the ground
I tried to earn my way
I tried to tame this mind
You better believe that I tried to beat this

sometimes a song comes along and you just feel such an immediate connection and identification with your innermost feelings that you stop and think wow this must be karma! that was how lifehouse's sick cycle carousel was for me. it will always be so subtlely beautiful.

i realised that if i study in the UK, i'll probably be spending my days pondering on life and love, reading, writing in my journal and being suitably depressed and melancholy amidst the terrible weather. shauna reasoned that the reason why coldplay and keane were so depressed was because of the perpetual rain and smog and what-have-you. she also said that i'll probably enjoy it, me being me. :)

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

i hold on to your secrets in white houses.

Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's black leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last

It's alright
And I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets in white houses
Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades in white houses

[audiophile : white houses/ vanessa carlton]

my trillian is screwed again. bah, nevermind about that.

dust and i spotted the big red ball on the school field and decided to go give it some bounce. wahaha. yes, i did miss the big red ball so very much. i'm so glad the juniors found it.

i foresee my posts are going to become boring again.

Sunday, October 10, 2004

my theory on guy friends.

there are basically only a few types of guy friends a girl will ever have.

  • the ones whom you love, but don't love you.
  • the ones who love you, but you aren't interested in.
  • the ones whom you don't love and vice versa. i.e. the platonic friends.
  • unfortunately they may also be the ones who leave after they get attached, and stop calling or asking you out because their world now revolves around their girlfriends.
  • or it may work the other way and you stop contacting them because you think they're in love and don't need you around. which may or may not be true.
  • or they may be gay.
  • or they may be metrosexuals who just need a female opinion on what clothes to wear or what cologne to spray on.
  • or they may be psychopaths. (you can't be too sure.)
  • the ones whom you love and who love you. they may never tell you how they truly feel since you two are such good friends and friendship is such a fragile entity. even if they do, the love may or may not last.
  • the ones you're perpetually confused about.
  • the fuck buddies. (courtesy of shauna though i wouldn't consider this a category. i mean, fuck buddies?! )
  • the one whom you will eventually marry.

    any opinions? :)
  • forbidden fruit.

    In the morning, the whole world had a strange new smell. It was the smell of the aftermath, a green smell, a smell of shedded leaves and oozing resin, of crushed wood and splashed sap, a tart smell, which bore some relation to the smell of bitten apples. It was the smell of death and destruction and it smelled fresh and lively and hopeful.

    [from possession by a.s. byatt]

    instead of breaking up.

    Remember when you held me tight
    And you kissed me all through the night
    Think of all that we've been through
    Breaking up is hard to do

    They say that breaking up is hard to do
    Now I know, I know that it's true
    Don't say that this is the end
    Instead of breaking up
    I wish that we were making up again

    [audiophile : breaking up is hard to do/ renee olstead feat. peter cincotti]

    a soothing, jazzy number that darling vi sent me. :)

    i know i shouldn't be so distracted but a.s. byatt's possession is taking me in with it's torrid love affairs between two modern-day academics and their muses, two long-dead poets. simply captivating.

    Saturday, October 09, 2004

    love, schmove.

    good morning. at this wee hour, i have here a short but immensely moving passage that i read in reader's digest. do take time to read it. it made me smile.


    When asked, "Do you think all any of us really want, deep down, is to be loved?" American humourist Garrison Keillor responded:

    "No, we want to be rich, to be admired, to eat like a horse and be skinny as a snake. To have small children ask for our autographs. To sing Irving Berlin and Gershwin and Porter at the Oak Room and be described in the Times as 'luminous.'

    But in the absence of all that, it's enough to be loved."


    i'm not crazy, or anything.

    It may sound absurd, but don't be naive
    Even heroes have the right to bleed
    I may be disturbed, but won't you conceed
    Even heroes have the right to dream
    It's not easy to be me

    Up, up and away, ­away from me
    But it's all right
    You can all sleep sound tonight

    I'm not crazy, ­or anything

    [audiophile : superman/ five for fighting]

    heard this over the radio. i remember it being popular in 2000. four years on, and it still has the ability to make me feel wistful and sentimental.

    thank you so much to my very generous classmates siupo and yvonne for treating our class girls to sakae sushi buffet with the cash they won for their inspire project! it was yummilicious fun! i always enjoy being with my class girls. it is probably true that i would have died if i was placed in any other class. you people are the best. :)

    duty calls, i must start to study harder.

    Thursday, October 07, 2004

    meet me in the morning when you wake.

    When you, when you forget your name
    When old faces all look the same
    Meet me in the morning when you wake up
    Meet me in the morning then you'll wake up

    If only I don't bend and break
    I'll meet you on the other side
    I'll meet you in the light
    If only I don't suffocate
    I'll meet you in the morning when you wake

    [audiophile : bend and break/ keane]

    another one i like alot. okay, go buy the album already.

    what a daisy-ish day.

    (words fail me once again. to spare you any more daisy-isms i shall sign off now.)

    Wednesday, October 06, 2004


    this post is for someone who if i'm not wrong has been feeling quite down about our friendship.

    i don't want her to feel guilty about anything because it's not really such big a deal. good friends will always have that undeniable bond no matter what happens. people walk in and walk out of our lives sporadically. no one can hold onto someone else forever because we all lead our own lives and follow our own destinies. i want her to realise that the past is irrelevant, what's important is now.

    i care alot and will always do.

    you fall on me for anything you like.

    This is the last time
    That I will show my face
    One last tender lie
    And then I'm out of this place
    So tread it into the carpet
    Or hide it under the stairs
    Say that some things never die
    Well I tried and I tried

    Something I wasn't sure of
    But I was in the middle of
    Something I forget now
    But I've seen too little of

    The last time
    You fall on me for anything you like
    Your one last line
    You fall on me for anything you like
    And years make everything alright
    You fall on me for anything you like
    And I no I don't mind

    [audiophile : the last time/ keane]

    woo hoo i'm in love with this song. andre lent me the keane hopes and fears album and something else by ben harper that i don't really like. the keane cd on the other hand is full of depressing tunes. in one word: perfekt!

    mr remedios very nicely gave mari and i each a lance armstrong livestrong wristband after we complimented him on his and subsequently begged him for one. it represents lance armstrong's battle with testicular cancer. anyway i'm quite pleased mr remedios is one of the new council teachers. i think he'll be excellent!

    Tuesday, October 05, 2004

    two snapshots on MAF.

    death of the first born.

    today i just want to congratulate my junior richmond on the publication of the first aspiro news of his council term. :) dust and i jointly wrote an article on the thirtieth anniversary grand dinner, so do look out for it.

    what a hazy, crazy day. thank you to all my touch-a-phobic classmates who got over their touch-a-phobia temporarily today. you all are a godsend. and i refuse to be called charlotte or bacon or bacon bean charlotte.

    it's amazing how quickly a year can pass us by. i read my paper journal on this day last year, and my immediate thoughts are... you mean it's been a year already? how odd! anyhow i guess the main merit of keeping a journal is having a detailed record of your life and your feelings at a particular time. the downside is of course that you tend to analyse and regurgitate the past when it's impossible to change anything anyway. well i wonder what i'll be doing at this day next year. i hope i'll be working overseas like i've planned to.

    and to you my loves... godspeed!

    Monday, October 04, 2004

    canned heat!

    this morning, my belief that gleneagles hospital was within walking distance of orchard mrt was proved wrong. i must have walked for more than half an hour in the sweltering sun, though it seemed like eons. (okay i admit i stopped to have a caffeine fix at starbucks.) today's weather was particularly bad... i seem to remember the weather at the beginning of this year was at an extreme-- rainy and chilly. which is much easier to bear than this disgusting heat, seriously.

    rushed back to school to attend the wake of our principal's father at sengkang with some of the councillors. afterwards, we were so stricken by lethargy from the afternoon heat that i came home right after lunch. air-con = heaven.

    today's the last day of blissful oblivion. i'm hoping tomorrow will be okay but i don't really know. i need to get myself out of this inertia. according to newton's first law, an object will stay in its state of perpetual rest (that's me!) or motion if no net external force acts on it. physics trivia for you... good luck. :)

    Sunday, October 03, 2004

    in a nutshell.

    don't you wonder about the type of people whose sole purpose of existing is to inflict pain on others? you wonder whether their brains have been replaced with mushy masses incapable of organised, logical thought. you wonder what kind of sadistic pleasure they could possibly obtain from ruining other people's lives. you wonder what hateful thoughts they harbour behind the easy smiles and open arms. you wonder where their conscience has gone, done the drain perhaps.

    you wonder what they could possibly want from you.

    then you realise the world's full of lousy bastards whose actions hold no explanations anyway.

    Saturday, October 02, 2004

    eye spy.


    congratulations to my dear classmates, siupo, yvonne and hadi, who did such a good job for their inspire project! (read about the details on my class blog.) i'm so happy and proud for them and the rest of my class who participated as inspire ambassadors.

    the council dance session this morning lasted for only an hour. some of the councillors went for lunch at holland v afterwards. i decided to visit the gym before dinner so i could work off some calories. i need more exercise!

    the anonymous commentator is back. o well, i wonder.

    Friday, October 01, 2004

    in perpetual contemplation of an infinite glory.

    A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth-- that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love. I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world may still know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved. In a position of utter desolation, when a man cannot express himself in positive action, when his only achievement may consist in enduring his sufferings in the right way-- an honorable way-- in such a position man can, through loving contemplation of the image he carries of his beloved, achieve fulfillment. For the first time in my life, I was able to understand the words, "The angels are lost in perpetual contemplation of an infinite glory."

    [Viktor Frankl]

    beautiful, almost melodious prose, part of my daily bread.

    children's day at the zoo.

    went to the zoo today with mari, jiahui, kees and cheryl. we didn't realise it was children's day and the zoo would be swarming with kids. but we did have fun anyway! the zoo is such a nice place to be a kid again. i saw one of my favourite animals, the manatee. and we paid twelve bucks for a photo op with a sea lion and took turns to let it kiss us, haha. loved the miniature horses and pigs at animal land! soooo shagged after a day of walking.

    i really really want to watch 2046. it looks like a movie with themes i'll enjoy. i might get the dvd.

    time to complete my ucas application and maybe watch some tv. -waves.