Wednesday, December 29, 2004

trivial pursuit.

i don't normally like to do quizzes, but here's one to sum up the year. you know me, too lazy to think of some coherent prose. :)

1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
the usual activities than come with being eighteen. i went clubbing and watched an M18 movie in the cinema. i cried my heart out for someone totally not worth my while.

2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i don't think i kept my resolutions. as to making new ones, i suppose i subconsciously have a list of things i want to do but probably won't.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
nope. mrs foo (my biology teacher) gave birth, but she can't be considered as close i think.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
nope. thank goodness for that.

5. What countries did you visit?
none this year! wow now i feel like i should stop doing this quiz.

6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
simple... excellent results for the A levels, 4 As hopefully.

7. What date(s) from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
the day i decided to tell the truth, the day i stepped down from council, the day i walked to mari's house from school, the end of the exams, christmas dinner with my clique.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
learning to see the big picture.

9. What was your biggest failure?
letting people who wanted to hurt me succeed (for a while at least.)

10. Did you suffer any illness or injury?
oh i had thyroiditis and toncilitis at the beginning of the year. at the same time too!

11. What was the best thing you bought?
i don't know what defines "best". if it's most useful, then my new sony digicam.

12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
countless individuals around the world of course. but if i had to talk about something closer to heart, i would say anyone who managed to survive the A levels.

13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
besides myself, i can think of a few dickheads but sorry, am not going to elaborate here.

14. Where did most of your money go?
books and cds, cosmetics, jewelry, clothes, the usual.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
the end of the exams? which was quite a letdown in the end.

16. What song/s will always remind you of 2004?
ooh i can think of quite a few.
  • white houses/ vanessa carlton
  • honey and the moon/ joseph arthur
  • the reason/ hoobastank
  • we used to be friends/ the dandy warhols
  • you are a shining light/ ash
  • tipsy/ j-kwon
  • everyday/ sonic flood
  • california/ phantom planet
  • paint the silence/ south
  • dice/ finley quaye, william orbit feat. beth orton
  • burn/ usher
  • jude law & a semester abroad/ brand new
  • yong bao/ wu yue tian

    17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
    i. happier or sadder?
    hmmm i'm not sure, really. i would say about the same.

    ii. thinner or fatter?
    haha can i decline to answer? i think i'm fatter!

    iii. richer or poorer?
    richer, since my parents have been more generous with giving me money.

    18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
    study, dance, exercise, meet up with old friends.

    19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
    eat, bum, daydream, waste time on worthless human relationships.

    20. How will you be spending Christmas?
    oops, christmas is over! anyway i spent christmas eve at home with my nice parents.

    22. Did you fall in love in 2004?
    well did you think it likely?

    23. How many one-night stands?
    zero, duh!

    24. What was your favourite TV program?
    the OC painted a smile across my face every thursday.

    25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
    strong dislike: yes. hate: no.

    26. What was the best book you read?
    yann martel's the life of pi... actually i think there were countless excellent reads this year.

    27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
    hmmm. ash.

    28. What did you want and get?
    a new digicam, closer relationships with a few good friends, a nice, peaceful ending to the year.

    29. What did you want and not get?
    good results. weight loss.

    30. What was your favourite film of this year?
    didn't watch many films this year, but i enjoyed the incredibles greatly.

    31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
    haha it was my enchanted eighteenth, and the day of physics paper 3. i had lunch at crystal jade with my parents.

    32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
    if nothing had changed, people were whom i thought they were and not hiding strange secrets in their closets. actually i can't decide whether finding out was a good or bad thing.

    33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
    bohemian? all my clothes are either red, black or white. time to update!

    34. What kept you sane?
    friends, family, prayer and the belief that everything will soon come to pass.

    35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
    i've always thought angelina jolie was the hottest around.

    36. What political issue stirred you the most?
    probably bush's re-election. i actually bothered to read the reports throughout election season, and that says alot.

    37. Who did you miss?
    awww, so many people. the sngs babes, mostly.

    38. Who was the best new person you met?
    since there was no new person that made a significant impact on my life, i shall give the award to richmond, my junior. because i think he makes a good PUBCO chair. lame reason i know.

    39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
    that nothing is what it seems. and that it's stupid to chase after temporary highs.

    40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
    Maybe you were all faster than me
    We gave each other up so easily
    These silly little wounds will never mend
    I feel so far from where I've been

    So I go, and I will not be back here again
    I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses
    I lie, wrote my injuries all in the dust
    In my heart is the five of us
    In white houses

    And you, maybe you'll remember me
    What I gave is yours to keep
    In white houses


    [vanessa carlton]
  • nothing can compare...

    ... to when you roll the dice and you swear your love's for me.
    [finley quaye & william orbit feat. beth orton]

    happy day (evening since i only got there at six) yesterday at east coast park with my class. have lost my inspiration to blog... but i feel vindicated that mad thinks my blog is (in her words) the nicest around. anyway i think there's supposed to be clubbing tonight since it's wednesday but i'm not going. am rather apprehensive now... oh well.

    Tuesday, December 28, 2004

    when you're always unhappy, the pursuit of happiness becomes somewhat of an addiction that you're willing to invest time and energy into. after a while life just gets tiresome and empty, but you continue your search because... well you can't sit around and do nothing right?

    Monday, December 27, 2004

    blast from the past.



    met up with edith, yun, sera and lijie for our annual sec.2unity christmas dinner. except that this time ku, yuwen and yuan didn't appear! sigh. edith brought some really old photos from us in our sec.1 days with majorly weird hair, clothes and what-not. the last photograph from the weave on top is us in sec.4 posing ridiculously. nice times, those were.
    mad says:
    i felt really happy in hwachong
    mad says:
    now that everything is over
    mad says:
    im feeling sad again
    mad says:
    maybe its because theres nothing to look forward to at this moment in ur life
    mad says:
    thats why u feel sad

    somehow what she said feels so true.

    a turkey and some mistletoe.



    chrisco 2004, the council christmas party, was a warm and friendly family affair, all thanks to the inter-intras, jingyi and becky. -claps and cheers.



    the food at my uncle chia's house on christmas was delicious. turkey, leg of lamb, ham and woohoo, log cake! christmas decadence... and of course there's brandy, the pretty cocker spaniel i would take home anyday.

    the best thing is, the celebrations aren't over yet! :) merry christmas everyone.

    p.s. on why i was mysteriously unable to move the entire day after clubbing for five hours the night before, i have concluded that clubbing should not extend beyond three hours. the second hand smoke must have seeped into my system and temporarily paralysed my joints. am quite phobic now!

    Thursday, December 23, 2004

    i like the way you do that right thurr.



    christmas eve's eve's eve celebration at dan ryan's with shaunie, mari, madd and jiahui. i received a pair of tribal earrings from jiahui and gave mari a small black cross. yay, such a long time since we've been together! afterwards, on to zouk for the rest of the night. it was bloody crowded. phuture was so packed to the brim with people that i lost sight of mari and shaunie while we were squeezing in. our sms exchange went something like this.

    mari: bean are you stuck can you pass through?
    me: wah f-, sorry i can't even move and i was pressing against some guy's balls and getting dirty looks from people so i squeezed out. at the entrance now.
    mari: bean we are at the car side quick squeeze over.
    me: okay i'm gonna start squeezing now.
    me (after squeezing a great deal): where are you all?
    shauna: left side when you come in after the bar.
    me: i'm standing near an art mural. where are you?
    mari: okay squeeze further it's on the left quick it's near a table.
    me: which table? the one furthest in?
    mari: bean go out we wait for you there.
    me: but i've just squeezed all the way in!
    shauna: we've already squeezed out looking for you.

    okay... in the end we squeezed all the way in again. i think the music was at least worth it, though we left while they played the rockish tipsy by j-kwon.

    i don't know why i feel so weak now. got home at 4am from zouk but i had a hard time falling asleep. my head was throbbing and i threw up, feeling even worse. which doesn't make any logical sense because i only had two drinks. i suspect i might have caught some virus which has yet to manifest itself whilst squeezing through all the sweaty bodies. eek!

    quite sad i couldn't go watch e'ching carol today. maybe i'll try to make it on another day. meanwhile i need to rest and recharge! christmas beckons.

    Monday, December 20, 2004

    desiderata.



    You are a child of the universe,
    no less than the trees and the stars;
    you have a right to be here.
    And whether or not it is clear to you,
    no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

    Therefore be at peace with God,
    whatever you conceive Him to be,
    and whatever your labors and aspirations,
    in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

    With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
    it is still a beautiful world.
    Be cheerful.
    Strive to be happy.


    [from Desiderata by Max Ehrmann]

    christmas shopping this year has been relatively easier than last year. i've kept things as simple as possible. here i am online sending dust ugly but funny close-ups of my face. i read in cleo that if you keep starting your sentences with "i" in your job application letters, you will come across as very arrogant. then i thought, what if you start all the sentences in your blog entries with "i"... how self-indulgent would i seem then? -laughs. dad bought this delicious bottle of sakae that i am enjoying now. i can't wait for wednesday, sweet wednesday.

    Sunday, December 19, 2004

    the tao of bean.

    abosolutely dig the new ja rule song wonderful, though it does sound slightly like always on time. nevermind. i passed on the chance to go down to orchard for the christmas parade with my parents. instead, i decided to erm, sit in front of my tv and watch shrek on channel 5 later and seven years in tibet on vcd. okay i know i sound like a total coach potato, but don't you just hate orchard road when it's swarming with people? and i don't mean the ability to walk leisurely whilst admiring christmas decorations or people-watching. i mean shoulder-to-shoulder, foot-to-foot squeezing because there's a parade going on... yeah i decided to pass. the week ahead seems tantalising. zouk with the girls, christmas with its promise of presents and good cheer... wouldn't you feel happy just thinking about it?

    so hard to say goodbye.



    met up with ku and dithy chew to send janice off. she won't be back till next september! my heart sighs in disbelief. dear jan. she will always be the ravishing, beautiful inside-and-out being that brought light to my days. and on another note, dithy chew will always be my silly chicken chew. thank goodness for the sngs peeps. :D

    Saturday, December 18, 2004

    my grandest creation.



    I have played in my time every possible part
    And I used to know seventy speeches by heart
    I'd extemporize backchat, I knew how to gag
    And I knew how to let the cat out of the bag
    I knew how to act with my back and my tail
    With an hour of rehearsal, I never could fail
    I'd a voice that would soften the hardest of hearts
    Whether I took the lead, or in character parts
    I have sat by the bedside of poor little Nell
    When the curfew was rung then I swung on the bell
    In the pantomime season, I never fell flat
    And I once understudied Dick Whittington's cat
    But my grandest creation, as history will tell
    was Firefrorefiddle, the fiend of the fell


    [gus: the theatre cat/ sarah brightman & sir john gielgud]

    my days are oddball combinations of all emotions at once. i'm so tired of this insatiable energy that comes in the morning, disintegrates midday and then makes a reappearance at eventide. i need to take a break from my bummmming. (if it's even possible to take a break from what already is a break.) tomorrow i shall watch the six wonderful vcds i've rented. they are adaptation, ju-on, 13 going on 30, seven years in tibet, infernal affairs and annie. then i will make a trip to the airport to bid farewell to someone i have known and loved with all my heart. jan.

    Friday, December 17, 2004

    turn my head with talk of summertime.

    Let me be your shelter
    Let me be your light
    You're safe, no one will find you
    Your fears are far behind you

    All I want is freedom
    A world with no more night
    And you always beside me
    To hold me and to hide me

    Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime
    Let me lead you from your solitude
    Say you want me and you need me beside you
    Anywhere you go, let me go too
    That's all I ask of you


    [all i ask of you/ sarah brightman & cliff richards]

    yay, pretty pretty song. i can't wait to watch the phantom of the opera.

    this holiday season is probably the weirdest i've ever experienced. it just feels like i'm constantly looking for something interesting to do or interesting people to be with, so much so that it has become quite a drag. last year there was council to occupy my waking days. i remember feeling grateful for any days we didn't actually have some council thing on, because those were rare. i went back to hwa chong in the morning on monday, and the juniors were trying out the O1 games. somehow i found myself missing those times. i want to fall asleep in the central plaza beneath a starry sky once more. the memory of that remains fresh and tangy.

    well there's non-stop christmas partying coming up. so excited!

    short-term goals now include finishing a cross-stitch soon.

    long-term goals include forgetting.

    Let me lead you from your solitude...

    Wednesday, December 15, 2004

    i know that you're gonna have it your way or nothing at all.

    jiahui's logic never fails to amaze me.

    dawg smashes com says:
    u noe, b4 clubbin we can always buy rum or vodka frm some ntuc n drink
    dawg smashes com says:
    den dun need pay
    [xXx] me and mrs jones, we've got a thing going on says:
    i dun tink u can
    [xXx] me and mrs jones, we've got a thing going on says:
    bring ur own inside to drink
    dawg smashes com says:
    nono drink first den go in

    okaaay i just burst out laughing when i read this. went to madd's house today to watch more friends! finished watching the entire second season in just three days. we went to crystal jade at bishan for lunch. i have officially found my new long-term love... eefu noodles! most delicious noodles in the world.

    and i have just realised (to jiahui's amusement) that we missed mambo night today. bah.

    Monday, December 13, 2004

    good morning baby.



    mari's house with maddie. watching friends vcds and the shu qi movie so close. tigger, patches, muffin and junior. slacking in her room. walking out for ice-cream at four. going to dan ryan's (mari's favourite restaurant) for dinner at six. the sum of everything today... bliss.

    it makes me smile.

    i believe that it is human nature to at random points of our lives, stop and think, i was happier then or i would be happier if such and such happened or i would really be happy if so and so did such and such. the truth is, we always tend to think that the grass is greener on the other side. there is so much to be thankful for right here and now that all we have to do is look around. and there are so many sweet memories to be cherished and relived that they obliterate those that cause us anger and pain. there is joy enough in having the company of individuals who find us worthy of their love and friendship. i once read somewhere that, believe it or not, there are five people in the world who love you so much they would give their lives for you.

    everything is beautiful, it's just how you see it.

    (and i'm trying to live by that.)

    Sunday, December 12, 2004

    bean is pleased!

    woohoo! here i am sitting in front of my laptop in a christmas hat feeling pleased about my new email account. thanks a million to rachel for the gmail invite. i now have a rockish 1000 MB of space at binhuitan@gmail.com. am not sure whether i have invites but i'll play with my account later. off to borders soon to use my eighteen bucks card. :)

    Friday, December 10, 2004

    the lovely night.

    it's the love that i've found ever since you've been around. your love took me to the top of the world...



    i got lazy. prom pretties up here. oh and it's imagestation so you'll need to be a member.

    Thursday, December 09, 2004

    the aftermath.



    post-prom, pre-zouk with shaunie, the classmate who has been MIA for a while.

    prom was great! i'm going to miss everyone from hwa chong. didn't quite realise that prom was probably the last time i would see many of my schoolmates for some time. and waving goodbye was just heart-breaking...

    more photos once i get my hands on a copy of adobe photoshop, so i can do a nice photo weave. or you might see something here later if i can make do with microsoft photo editor.

    Wednesday, December 08, 2004

    what i gave is yours to keep.

    So I go, and I will not be back here again
    I'm gone as the day is fading, on white houses
    I lie, put my injuries all in the dust
    In my heart is the five of us, in white houses

    And you, maybe you'll remember me
    What I gave is yours to keep, in white houses

    Tuesday, December 07, 2004

    the boy you used to date.



    shopping with mari in the afternoon was so funny. i shall not elaborate why in case she throws a few pairs of heels at me! met 03s75 for dinner after their lazerquest game. played a bit of pool, which i am terribly bad at!

    i've fallen in love with this toy shop above kinokuniya at taka! saw a darling baby gorilla stuffed toy there that i'll buy when i start earning my own money, which will hopefully be soon... it also has the most beautiful unicorns, fairies and mammoths, yes mammoths! haha.

    i hate ambiguity, thus i actually want to get my results as soon as possible so i can get on with my life. but i shall try to leave everything to the hands of the almighty and not think about what future my time in hwachong has beget me. when prom is over, i will draw up a list of how i can make myself useful these few months. there's nothing to be done save for making the time pass faster! no more idling!

    Sunday, December 05, 2004

    on your machine i slur a plea.

    I'm reaching for the phone
    To call at 7:03 and on your machine
    I slur a plea for you to come home
    But I know it's too late
    I should have given you a reason to stay
    Given you a reason to stay


    [a lack of color/ death cab for a cutie]

    i've considered doing a double major in philosophy and psychology at NUS. emailed the philosophy prof some questions, hope she replies me!

    shopping alone can actually be quite a joy, which is why it surprises me that people think i'm brave, or very independent to shop alone. i mean, shopping alone gives you the chance to look at whatever you want without considering what your shopping partner wants to do. it may seem rather lonely and pathetic, but i think it gives me some personal time which i find very precious.

    weifang has just told me that the christmas tree of acrylic fishes is back at fish & co this year. i am so going to steal more fishes this time, -maniacal laughter.

    i'm feeling much better already after sleeping for two nights without air-con. apparently the air-con aggravated my cough. anyway prom is coming, and this entry is too disjointed and disorganised for words!

    Friday, December 03, 2004

    can you feel the love?



    so many people in just one day! going for the job interview in the morning was quite a farce because they were only looking for full-timers. so here i am still jobless, still looking.

    it was lovely meeting up with the sngs people today, esp my sec.4 clique in the afternoon and edith and co in the evening for jan's farewell dinner. she's leaving for the US on the 17th and i'm going to miss her like crazy!

    my throat and nose feel terrible... i think i really need a rest. am going to stay at home and fold stars tomorrow.

    Thursday, December 02, 2004

    spectator sports!



    i don't enjoy watching epics! alexander was too draggy, though i must say angelina jolie is simply a goddess. and i would have preferred it if colin farell had got it on with jared leto instead of the weird looking tranvestite.

    prom approaches! and prom shopping was quite interesting. zhui has a list of jackets from choice number 1 (black velvet) to choice number 5 (black trench coat). okay i won't spoil his surprise.

    going for a job interview tomorrow at hmv. hope it goes well. :)

    tell all the english boys you meet.

    i went to queensway to look at shoes and ikea to buy presents today. here is the pair of shoes i thought was pretty but didn't buy. the nike tick was a too pinkish, perhaps.



    i've been playing loads of solitaire showdown, minesweeper flags and bejeweled on msn because i've too much free time on my hands. when the exams were still around all i did was study, float around and feel guilty when i slacked. now i've nothing else to do but slack. it's as though my life has lost it's purpose and direction, for now. tsk, i need a job.

    well i'll be meeting wupo and pea tomorrow for prom shopping and being spectators to hair-highlighting. what a laugh.

    oh and i think my blog looks pretty good in firefox so everyone, go upgrade now!