Thursday, March 31, 2005


Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find, you and I collide

yesterday morning, i learnt how the scent of death smelt like. while the doctors and nurses raced to save a dying patient, i sat down with the patient in the next bed... and we read the morning news over small talk. it all seemed too calm, too surreal for me. the first patient eventually passed away, and half an hour later another patient left too. my sadness however, was for the living- the family members of the deceased, and the other patients in the same ward who had to sit through two deaths in a single morning. i spent the rest of the morning talking to those other patients because the mortuary service people took forever to come. it must have been traumatising for them with the scent of death all around.

if my life became but an pathetic imitation of its former self, i would prefer death. this brings me to the topic of terri schiavo... i hate it when people become so disgustingly self-righteous and insist they know what's best for her. the woman's been brain dead for so long, give her a break. since no one will ever know how it feels, no one should pass easy judgements on her fate. her parents have seriously warped views of parenthood. instead of holding fruitless protests and suing the shit out of her husband, why not take time to appreciate her life, and cherish their last moments with their daughter?

that being said, i've never been a parent myself, so i've never known how it feels like to love a child that much... love does make us do strange things. i guess the issue's just painful and blown out of proportion.

the lord giveth and the lord taketh away.

Monday, March 28, 2005


one of my personal philosopies in life is that no one's problems are too small to deserve a listening ear. yet, as the day passed in ward 48, all my own troubles seemed less and less significant. the cancer patients were going through much more pain than i could barely imagine. sickness left some of them incapacitated, some bedridden and immobilized... and most lonely and depressed. my weariness just evaporated.

on a lighter note, i took blood samples from two patients today! with the guidance of the houseman, of course. i was so pleased when the first patient told me it didn't hurt at all. and my teacher said i had steady hands! haha, cheap thrills...

went back to school to pick up my reference letter today. i'm somehow always excited when i'm on my way back to hwa chong. but once i get there, it never feels like old times, and i always end up disappointed. it's like i have this subconscious want to see all my friends, but the faces just seem unfamiliar and unfriendly. today was better though, i managed to catch up with mrs foo, ms wang, mr chow and my dearest dust!

this is the first entry in a long time that i've actually bothered to speak my mind. perhaps i should do this more often.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

i know i would apologise.

right now, i'm just tired. the whole affair seems unpleasant and hurtful. the twisted things you hear about yourself, and the twisted things you do. i don't want to make it a big deal but i'm just sad. and disappointed.

may god's love be with you.

I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you've seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May God's love be with you, always
May God's love be with you

I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes
'cause when you showed me myself I became someone else
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes, you can't keep awake

May God's love be with you, always
May God's love be with you

[in the sun/ joseph arthur]

Thursday, March 24, 2005

my new red specs.

meet the four-eyed monster! i adore my new specs.

scurrying around NCC and the wards has been quite an experience. i'm going to follow the houseman next week, and that's when i'll get to see the real magnitude of his workload. most exciting!

by the way, do visit this interesting bbc website on the human body and mind.

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

doesn't that hit too close to home?

And doesn't that sound familiar? Doesn't that hit too close to home?
Doesn't that make you shiver; the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar when everyone wants a little more?
And so that I do remember to never go that far,
Could you leave me with a scar?

[missy higgins]

i love songs with piano intros. this one has a fun beat and cute lyrics.

just for general information, things i write on my blog should be taken at face value. i might not have meant it if i happened to be emotional at the time. (i tend to be especially coherent when i feel strongly about something.) or i might have, which would indicate that the issue was probably quite serious. no big deal anyway. :)

a long day at the national cancer centre today. am going to catch up on some shut-eye now, have to be there tommorow morning at 7.30am to follow the doctor around the wards!

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Your heart is cramm'd with arrogancy, spleen, and pride.

-- William Shakespeare

some people just have poison running through their veins instead of blood. seriously, there're more useful things in life to do than be spiteful about the past. i'm disgusted.

somebody told me.

Image hosted by

i haven't posted photos for so long! these are from the council party at michelle's new place yesterday night. it was great fun with the few people that showed up. and i guess we won't be seeing the guys much once they get sucked back into NS. well.

(don't think the collage is very nice though, i didn't take enough pictures to be selective.)

my blog is becoming sleepy, just like how i am half the time now.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

subway ballet.

originally uploaded by philicheese.
ads don't get any prettier than this.

Tuesday, March 15, 2005

till then repeat after me.

I don't want somebody to love me
Just give me sex whenever I want it
'Cause all I ask for is instant pleasure
Instant pleasure, instant pleasure

You in the traffic for all eternity
How could that speed be where you want to be?
Said don't you really want instant pleasure
Instant pleasure, instant pleasure

[rufus wainwright]

aren't the lyrics amusing? rufus wainwright has the sexiest voice.

i'm aware i haven't been updating. it's just that my mind is awfully saturated right now. uni applications, interview preparations, research for my attachment, cantonese and french vocab, various individuals and little storms in teacups. i am living, quickly and furiously.

and you, you always take the weather with you everywhere you go.

Thursday, March 10, 2005

the shorter story.

sometimes, i feel like i have to parent my own parents.

my afternoon was simply put, nice. met madd, mari and siups back in school, then hopped down to town. madd's favourite eefu mee and dimsum made for the most heavenly lunch. and hairy mari had her hair cut! i almost forgot how much fun hanging out with my classmates could be.

am feeling much better already, so it's back to work tomorrow.

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

and so it is... just like you said it would be.

dear all,

  • my main pc has crashed, so any promises made previously of me writing desperate housewives on dvd for you may have to wait.

  • i've been down with the flu bug since last friday, the day of the release of the A level results. and i stupidly showed up for work yesterday and today, resulting in me feeling even more sick and exhausted.

  • the blower's daughter by damien rice is a really beautiful song. but the movie closer is just pretentious. you can comment if you disagree.

  • at this very moment, i'm pretty darn happy and at peace with everything in my life.
  • Sunday, March 06, 2005

    And so it is... just like you said it would be. Life goes easy on me, most of the time. And so it is... the shorter story. No love, no glory, no hero in her sky.

    Saturday, March 05, 2005

    le resultants.

    i expect everyone wants to know how i did for the A levels?

    i won't say anything more than that it was enough. those who matter know and those who don't matter, well don't know. right now i just hope to be able to do the course that i've wanted to do for so long.

    met marian and marcus for supper at newton circus after french... and pigged out on hawker food. newton circus is an awful tourist trap though. think chomp chomp at serangoon gardens is much better.

    oh well that's enough vulturing for today. go get some sleep, as i shall.

    Tuesday, March 01, 2005

    when it comes, i'll let you know.

    i was feeling a tad bit girlish today, so i bought myself this crystal heart pendant from swarovski. :)

    i'm awfully glad it's going to be friday. the release of the A level results, i mean. perhaps that might strike you as odd, but i've long grown sick of the agonising wait. just tell me already, so i can start planning for the future. isn't it about time?

    tomorrow will be jingyi's long overdue birthday celebration at indochine club street. this week will go on like any other week, and on friday we'll know.