Friday, September 30, 2005


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i am awake, and alive.

Monday, September 26, 2005

on a clear day, you can see forever.

On a clear day, rise and look around you
And you will see who you are
On a clear day, how it will astound you
That the glow of your being outshines every star
You'll feel part of every mountain, sea and shore
You can hear from far and near
A world you've never, never heard before
On a clear day, you can see forever
And ever more

i can't pinpoint exactly what changed for me over those few moments. a significant conversation with a good friend, a sudden rush of thoughts flooding my mind, a deep, restful sleep... things feel different now, somehow. i'm keeping the faith, as always, and soon i'll really be back and brand new again.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

sunlight, shimmering love.

back to school.

an escape from all superfluous thoughts.

back to my toad-ing lifestyle.

away from all these feelings.

i'm cheering up already.

que sera, sera.

the 30th councillors at the airport.

whatever will be, will be.

good luck, andy oei.

Friday, September 23, 2005

simplify, simplify.

The unhappiness that I need and long for... is of the kind that will let me suffer with eagerness and die with lust. That is the unhappiness, or happiness, that I am waiting for.

Hermann Hesse, from Steppenwolf.

watch the myth for a really good laugh! seriously. the turnout for our OG outing was pretty bad, but we had fun laughing at jackie chan anyway. he should just stick to comedies and leave the philosophical kungfu stuff to jet li.

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kim hee seon is absolutely delectable, though. she plays this ancient princess who's hopelessly in love with jackie chan. hmmm i wonder why.

bumped into zhui in town today. i guess there won't be anymore bumping into him for a while. a rather sobering fact.

How's it gonna be, when you don't know me anymore?

note to self : no more listening to sad songs! am just going to start tearing again.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

in lives this fickle heart hath crossed.

How am I supposed to start
And change an ever-changing heart
Light some corner of a mind
That isn't there for me to find
And how am I supposed to see
The stars you say are meant for me
How am I supposed to praise
Those stars with eyes I cannot raise

Maybe I'm supposed to say
I'm walking tall with feet of clay
Resting only when I check
The albatross around my neck
How am I supposed to see
The stars you say are meant for me
How am I to see

the yunnan expedition meeting today was great! i love feeling like i'm accomplishing things and going somewhere. council, all over again.

and as my precious mid-sem break slowly draws to a close, dear friends will soon be leaving on jet planes. it makes me wonder how everyone will be in a year's time. would we say look how you've grown! and exchange common courtesies? would we grow wistful at how different we feel to each other? or would we embrace warmly and say you're really just the same, my friend! what would we do?


(four posts today! did i really have that much to say?)

the little nitty-gritties that make us human.

before MAF with the councillors.
before MAF with the councillors.

the sun sets on the war. the day breaks and everything is new.

thank you to my keep-my-sanity friends! you know who you are.

i am so lucky, everyday.

o sleep.

The air is like a knife cutting through you
A room in the house is always warm
Stretched down on the bathroom floor thinking
Of fair days your future may hold
when i awoke this morning, i realised that i had dreamt of anatomy.

"the head of femur articulates with the acetabulum to form the hip joint."

"the femoral artery passes midway in between the anterior superior iliac spine and the symphysis pubis, behind the inguinal ligament."

at that precise moment, lying on my bed in full awareness of my surroundings, i was filled with a sudden inexplicable feeling of loneliness.

it's in the details.

You can never replace anyone. What is lost is lost. Each relationship, when it ends, really damages me. I never fully recover. That's why I'm very careful with getting involved because it hurts too much. Even getting laid, I actually don't do that. I will miss of the person the most mundane things. Like I'm obsessed with little things. Maybe I'm crazy, but when I was a little girl, my mom told me that I was always late to school. One day, she followed me to see why. I was looking at chestnuts falling from the trees, rolling on the sidewalk, or, ants crossing the road, the way a leaf casts a shadow on a tree trunk. Little things. I think it's the same with people. I see in them little details, so specific to each of them that move me and that I miss and will always miss. You can never replace anyone because everyone is made of such beautiful, specific details.

Julie Delpy as Celine in Before Sunset (2004)

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

this is a song about a sea anemone.

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You are my sea anemone
You are my sea anemone
Your name sounds quite silly
But you're pretty anyway

You are my sea anemone
You are my sea anemone
Flap those long thingies
Like you're waving all the way

Though you sit all day
Doing the same old things
People come and go
They say "Ooh!" and "Aah!" and "Wah!"

You are my sea anemone
You are my sea anemone
You are hardly noticed
Sometimes you get squished on the way

You are my sea anemone
You are my sea anemone
You don't really misbehave
You just sit there, never change

You are my sea anemone
I'm going to bring you home someday

i can't stop smiling to this song that kwans sent me. :)

(update at 11.17 pm) OH MY GOSH. kwanie aka samuel kwan wrote and sang this song! and i didn't even know! no wonder i couldn't find the song online. how absolutely fantastic!

Monday, September 19, 2005

keeping my sanity till we're forty.

[xXx] binhuitan says:
quick change ur nick to that
[xXx] binhuitan says:
"i am a nice handsome bo who will have many heyheys" im blur says:
serious ah im blur says:
then u treat me to lunch?
[xXx] binhuitan says:
[xXx] binhuitan says:
i treat u to drink
[xXx] binhuitan says:
fruit juice $1.40?
[xXx] binhuitan says:
i am a nice handsome bo who will have many heyheys says:
i am a nice handsome bo who will have many heyheys says:
i am a nice handsome bo who will have many heyheys says:
ok better change it back
[xXx] binhuitan says:
i said BOY
[xXx] binhuitan says:
not bo
[xXx] binhuitan says:
what bo !
[xXx] binhuitan says:
change to boy first
i am a nice handsome bo who will have many heyheys says:
eh no lor
[xXx] binhuitan says:
i said bo?
i am a nice handsome bo who will have many heyheys says:
u scroll up see


i'm really glad my favourite councillor is in medicine too. :)


Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor the arrow tt flieth by day; nor for the pestilence tt walketh in darkness; nor the destruction that wasteth at noonday. A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand, but it shall not come nigh thee.
Psalm 91

rolling the dice.

Till I opened my eyes and walked out the door
And the clouds came tumbling down
And it's bye-bye, goodbye, I tried
And I twisted it wrong just to make it right
Had to leave myself behind
And I've been flying high all night
So come pick me up
I've landed

i'm feeling oddly unsettled now, like i just happened to awake with an elevated amount of cortisol in my bloodstream.

i woke up strangely early too, although today marks the beginning of the holiday i've been waiting for.

something must have happened during the night, but what?

you know, i am one cranky bean.

Sunday, September 18, 2005

i wanna hold your hand.

awwww. today was fantastic. hanging out with three of my closest friends in the world. bliss!

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we made a stop at the adorable toystore at takashimaya. yay.

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an early farewell lunch for zhuanghui at our favourite dimsum place. he's leaving for oxford in ten days! here he is with henghui.

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xiaolongbaos. orgasmic.

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the many (eight) faces of my fifth wife.

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zhui collected his ipod nano at wheelock place! simply a joy to behold.

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all the permutations and combinations. :)

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and who can forget shopping?

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But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one who compares with you

i'm going to miss shopping with this metrosexual! i'm going to miss him, really. we all are.

and today was fantastic despite the fact that the chain of my favourite swarovski necklace broke! yes, the one i was wearing in the photos. hope i can get someone to fix it soon... and because of all the distractions of the past two weeks, i forgot to do two very important things! sheesh.

am so, so thankful for my friends. oh yes, happy mid-autumn fest to everyone!

Saturday, September 17, 2005

big fish.

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Sandra: Daffodils?

Edward: They're your favorite flower.

Sandra: How did you get so many?

Edward: I called everywhere in five states and explained this was the only way I could get my wife to marry me.

Sandra: You don’t even know me.

Edward: I have the rest of my life to find out.

i am a scary monster!

And I rode along side
Till you lost me there in the open road
And I rode along side
Till the honey spread itself too thin
For me to break your bread
For me to take your word
I had to steal it

this song will always remain special to me.

mid-sem break finally! but it's odd, i don't feel like i've been at school long enough to deserve a recess at all. well well, so many things to do, so little time.

i understand that my blog has been difficult to read for a while...

a new phase of my life begins today. thus it's only going to become better.

every moment is a moment of learning. :)


am finally going to feel better about everything.

the weekend and the mid-semester break already, peace.
going to sleep it off.

the weekend, alas.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

more than words.

and everything falls into place.

thank you.

oh, and i love the way you play.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

bach: suite for solo cello no.1 in g major.

when the perfect weekend ended, the new week just couldn't compare.

i didn't think that it was going to be so difficult... so painful.

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

turn my head with talk of summertime.

Say you love me every waking moment
Turn my head with talk of summertime
Say you need me with you now and always
Promise me that all you say is true
That's all I ask of you

and i melt.

Monday, September 12, 2005


you'll be here, there and everywhere.

here, there and everywhere.

Here, making each day of the year
Changing my life with a wave of her hand
Nobody can deny that there's something there

There, running my hands through her hair
Both of us thinking how good it can be
Someone is speaking but she doesn't know he's there

Sunday, September 11, 2005

maf 2005 : homecoming.

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what could be better, than to be together again? hanging out with the thirtieth councillors, spotting and surprising classmates and schoolmates in the crowd, linking arms to sing hwa chong songs, realising that the mass dances have been modified by the juniors, trying to remember the steps to scandalous, sitting outside the council room with wupo strumming the guitar... just like old times.

yesterday was nice. :) in every way.

and oh well, the perfect weekend is ending in a few hours' time. better get back to the reality that is medical school.

brighter than sunshine.

Suddenly the air seems so right
Me and you, what a feeling.


i loved MAF today.

i will always love MAF.

and i'm happy.

Saturday, September 10, 2005

that will not let me go.

a bad scare last night woke the parents up at 2am and made my heart stop, seriously. life is strange, you never know what could happen. or whether you'll have another day. my parents like to think about the number of years of life they have left as marbles in a jar. if you only had a few marbles left, would you wait before you did all the things that you hadn't? or wait to tell those you loved how you felt? gives a whole new perspective to the phrase "i'm losing my marbles!"

saw herbie yesterday with thongkai, the boy who is leaving for chicago soon. i think i might have been more amused if i was erm, six? the plot was very disney, very predictable, and over the top at times! it was too much for us to take. we sat laughing really hard only after the movie had ended. guess i've reached my one-cheesy-movie-a-year quota. last year, it was white chicks with the class.

MAF is finally here. reminiscence. heartache.

Now I could talk to you 'til I'm blue in the face
But we still would arrive at the very same place
With you running around and me out of the race

Friday, September 09, 2005

that's just what you are.

You're walking meadows in my mind
Making waves across my time, oh no, oh no

I get a strange magic, oh what a strange magic
Oh it's a strange magic, got a strange magic

Thursday, September 08, 2005

you were warm and gentle.

We never said our love was evergreen
Or as unchanging as the sea
But if you can still remember
Stop and think of me

hanging out in wm's hostel room before the yunnan trip meeting later tonight. oh yes i should be going to yunnan at the end of the year for OCIP. i'm listening to sad songs from the phantom of the opera... just a short post before i catch some shuteye.

i think i've been taking things too seriously. it's time to let go and keep everything simple.

going for mass soon... my heart is open, fill me in.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

o joy.

my new study table arrived today! here it is, clean, nicely lacquered, full of woodsy smells and just the way i like it. spot arthur bones's skull, which will remain a permanent fixture of my table.

mr bones is missing some teeth... medical textbooks! physiology, anatomy, biochemistry, histology and embryology. this nice medical officer who is my dad's friend's son gave me almost all his year one books! very neat.

sweetness. :)

O Love that wilt not let me go,
I rest my weary soul in thee;
I give thee back the life I owe,
that in thine ocean depths its flow
may richer, fuller be.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005

sparkle the world.

i heard you went to find god in the indian subcontinent... it's mad you had to go so far.

Monday, September 05, 2005

just imagine how much.

tis strange, it's monday but i'm actually in a rather good mood of sorts. even though i got a haircut and my fringe is now so short i look like a kid!

was very nicely surprised in school today! stupid andee made me look around the LT because i thought the surprise was that he had brought someone to visit. but ah, nice surprise it was. and i've made some good new friends in medicine, from the orientation group and beyond. people who've made school well, more than just lectures, tutorials and lab work.

i should have realised that it was silly to buy french dvds in china. you see, the subtitles are in mandarin! and with my very limited (almost nonexistant) understanding of french and difficulties in reading mandarin, i end up very confused. pity!

and i almost forgot to mention! my new skeleton who used to be a living breathing person is now lying in a box in my room! actually i think it might be two people because his bones are in pieces and i found two mandibles. faced with naming him (or her? i haven't looked at his pelvic region), i've settled on arthur, arthur bones. rather cute choice, i would think.

the week ahead is going to be fantastic, it's a FOUR-DAY WEEK. with the highly anticipated mid-autumn fest on saturday! something i've been looking forward to for a few weeks now. ah, i know i'm going to hate it when this week finally ends. for friends and associates are going to start leaving singapore, and me.

A thing of beauty is a joy for ever:
Its loveliness increases; it will never
Pass into nothingness; but still will keep
A bower quiet for us, and a sleep
Full of sweet dreams, and health, and quiet breathing.

Saturday, September 03, 2005

the wonder.

You may be waiting for the fire
When I'm calling through the rain
You may be listening for the thunder
While I'm whispering your name
You may be searching for a sign
To let you know that it's okay
Hold on cause I'm on my way

ah thank you diane, this is so beautiful. :)


your smile explodes in my head. and like a childish schoolgirl, i'm floored once again.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

i'm over my head.

there's only so much you can feel before the feelings become too much to stomach. then you realise that sometimes it's better not to think. about anything. at all. preventive medicine.

sugar, the only way is down.