Wednesday, August 29, 2007

'cos you're there for me too.

happiest 23rd birthday to our dearest zj! hope you enjoyed the japanese buffet!

surgery's been much of looking at people's insides and outsides, and winking at each other over our surgical face masks. still haven't decided whether it's really my thang. my surg team is really fun though! they make the 7.30am days a bit less dreary.

met cow tan for a nice lunch today. take care of yourself, senior. :)

Saturday, August 25, 2007

tell me on a sunday.

Tell me about the dream where we pull the bodies out of the lake
and dress them in warm clothes again.
How it was late, and no one could sleep, the horses running
Until they forget that they are horses.
It’s not like a tree where the roots have to end somewhere,
it’s more like a song on a policeman’s radio,
how we rolled up the carpet so we could dance, and the days
were bright red, and every time we kissed there was another apple
to slice into pieces.
Look at the light through the windowpane. That means it’s noon, that means
we’re inconsolable.
Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.
These, our bodies, possessed by light.
Tell me we’ll never get used to it.

Scheherazade by Richard Siken
i'm thinking of... peking in the winter. i fell in love with that city two years ago - the busy streets, the crowded metro, the haunting architecture, the living and breathing culture, the passive-aggressive chinese people.

i'm thinking of you guys, how much you give me something to stand on, something to trust in.

i'm thinking of you and me, how we did not or could not make it happen.

i'm thinking of a strange, foreign feeling - the feeling of being alone in a park covered with trees, sitting cross-legged and silent, watching the leaves fall.

i'm thinking that, i've looked at love from both sides now, from give and take and still somehow it's love's illusions i recall. i really don't know love at all.

i'm thinking that, some things will come true, eventually.

Monday, August 20, 2007

who stole the weekend!

the past week has been a little bit crazy, and i've been so grateful for the weekend and its solace. was great meeting up with medifolk and hcjc pals. :)

medicine posting has officially ended! will miss SGH, it was truly an excellent place to do med, with nice, friendly tutors and a sheer volume of patients. indeed, the patients were our best teachers. i'm actually kinda wistful that medicine has ended. the most important posting... and i haven't learnt enough, surely.

to everyone starting medicine, don't waste your time mooning around and being inertia-tic the first two weeks like i did.

my thoughts... go find and remember what these signs look/ feel/ sound like. so you won't get confused at the end of your posting (like me.) offhand,
  • collapsing pulse in aortic regurgitation, etc
  • coarse crepitations in bronchiectasis
  • prominent v wave in the jugular venous pulse
  • ballotable kidneys and how to differentiate the massive ones from hepatosplenomegaly
  • stony dullness of pleural effusion
  • signs of cushing's disease, acromegaly, chronic renal failure, etc
  • speech of bulbar palsy, pseudobulbar palsy, etc
  • signs of rheumatoid arthritis, psoriasis, gout, etc
and many more. all the best, you guys!

starting surgery at CGH tomorrow. not looking forward to the travelling time, but it should still be an interesting eight weeks ahead. am also going to take things slightly-more-easy now. :)

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

one hug, stat!

it hasn't been easy. growing up whilst already feeling old. having a truckload of things to do at once. having random thoughts hanging over your day. having words at the tip of my tongue, but being unable to speak. somewhat like broca's aphasia, no?

med posting testtt. ack! remain positive!

Sunday, August 12, 2007

moving along.

of late, i've been filled with foreign emotions. i've cried at the slightest things, i've laughed in spite of myself. i've found deep within myself a resilience i didn't know did exist. i've realised how much a lovely, busy day can dampen the pain and renew the spirit.

i was supposed to be so happy today. and it's hard to let go of something that you've waited and hoped for for the past few months.

but it had not been stipulated that waiting patiently equated to a happy ending. love and relationships are never as simple as that.

sometimes, things just don't work out.

and so we leave, and let go.

Saturday, August 11, 2007


my name is bean. i am twenty-one this year.

i love colours. my favourites - red, green, purple and gold.

i am a third-year medical student. that's my stethoscope, the 3M cardiology III.

i aspire to be a good doctor. that's sir william osler!

intelligence is sexy.

my favourite movie is the neverending story. it's about a boy who steals a magical book and gets drawn into a fantasy world ruled by a beautiful child-like princess. i wanted to be that boy, not the princess.

CSI: Las Vegas is my favourite TV show. i heart you gil grissom!

leonardo da vinci's lady with an ermine.
i get lost in art, especially the works of degas, van gogh, klimt and da vinci!

bottega veneta makes simply beautiful clothing and accesories.

my favourite author is the phenomenal dame agatha christie.

her character, hercule poirot, has intrigued and captivated me. david suchet is amazing in this tv role.

i don't have a favourite singer or band per se, listen to too wide a variety of music. been listening to the carpenters on loop for the past few days though. very sweet.

we're only just begun to live
white lace and promises
a kiss for luck and we're on our way

makes me feel positive about things. :)

i profess i'm no classical music aficionado, but i enjoy bach's music very much. listening to his pieces got me through all the lonely nights of studying for the exams.

the gorilla, ever so magestic, is my favourite animal.

i love my family and friends.

that's all for now. what about you? what do you love?

Thursday, August 09, 2007


... is such a precious thing.

i'm thinking of the poem a good friend shared with me today.

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for your dream, for the adventure of being alive.

from the invitation by oriah mountain dreamer. today's conversation was special for me. i thank you for your thoughts, and your words.

I want to know if you can be alone with yourself and if you truly like the company you keep in the empty moments.

i'm looking at life anew.

Monday, August 06, 2007

if i am.

methinks, it's at times like these that you realise you can run to your friends when you're upset, but everything comes down to yourself in the end. it's really up to you, what you choose to feel, what you choose to think, what you choose to deal with.

little things become much more significant. the promises you made, the things he said placed under the microscope as you force out of your subconscious all the gritty details. why. what. where. who. how.

but life goes on regardless of our ruminations. and some things can't be unsaid, once they are well, said.

am grateful for what i've learnt, and the people who have picked me up along the way - you know who you are. thank you. :)

The answers we find are never what we had in mind,
So we make it up as we go along
You don't talk of dreams, I won't mention tomorrow
We won't make those promises that we can't keep

Sunday, August 05, 2007

i speak to you like the chorus to a verse.

I believe in the sand beneath my toes
The beach gives a feeling, an earthy feeling
I believe in the faith that grows
And the four right chords can make me cry
When Im with you I feel like I could die
And that would be alright, alright

an old favourite, thought i would share the verse i like most.

why georgia.

Am I living it right? Why, Georgia, why?
back at hwa chong with zhuanghui and jingyi. we ran into andre!

i heart you guys so much.

Even the best fall down sometimes
Even the wrong words seem to rhyme
Out of the doubt that fills my mind
I somehow find
You and I collide

my relationship ended.

i'm living, and learning.

Friday, August 03, 2007

a new beginning.

every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

i thank you for all the times.

:) shall be brave.

pseudobulbar palsy.

you know what... im at this mrcp forum.. even they r confused. im utterly confused.

that made me smile, in spite of the way things are now.

the cgmates and i have been much confused about the cause of "hot potato speech" since we talked to a patient with that during CSFC.

the books are even more confounding.

what about "donald duck speech"?


ask me about the events of the past week, and they've been somewhat a blur.

love. familiarity. callousness. tears. promises. hopes. a rose. optimism. pain. realization. truth. judgement. resolution.


and the dust of me settling.


Wednesday, August 01, 2007