Thursday, January 31, 2008


watching you next to me as you sleep, catching the little breaths you take in, being there for you in the tiniest moments, i've found a simple joy that permeates the soul.

being strong for those we love, and those who love us.


update at 5.45pm

i am afraid to put in down in black and white, lest it becomes real.


update at 11.05pm

been so disconnected from school. and other aspects of life in general. i realise i wasn't even present for my CHP group's peer evaluation. oh well.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

the strangest of moments.

in the span of a week, everything changed. i feel like i've been living someone else's life, telling a story from an alternative reality.

keep on keeping on.

There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song I could sing
But I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
Like a, shoebox of photographs
With sepia-tone loving
Love is the answer,
At least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? and where do we go?
And how come we're so hard?
It's not always easy and
Sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing its always better when we're together


waiting, wondering...


Monday, January 28, 2008

you are my blessing.

Mother and Child (detail), Gustav Klimt.

no matter what happens, i love you to the ends of the universe, and back.


if life was so predictable, we would be like the proles in george orwell's 1984.

"In reality very little was known about the proles. It was not necessary to know much. So long as they continued to work and breed, their other activities were without importance. Left to themselves, like cattle turned loose upon the plains of Argentina, they had reverted to a style of life that appeared to be natural to them, a sort of ancestral pattern.

They were born, they grew up in the gutters, they went to work at twelve, they passed through a brief blossoming period of beauty and sexual desire, they married at twenty, they were middle-aged at thirty, they died, for the most part, at sixty. Heavy physical work, the care of home and children, petty quarrels with neighbors, films, football, beer, and, above all, gambling filled up the horizon of their minds. To keep them in control was not difficult.

A few agents of the Thought Police moved always among them, spreading false rumors and marking down and eliminating the few individuals who were judged capable of becoming dangerous; but no attempt was made to indoctrinate them with the ideology of the Party. It was not desirable that the proles should have strong political feelings. ...The great majority of proles did not even have telescreens in their homes. Even the civil police interfered with them very little."

an excellent novel that is far ahead of its time, and worth the reads and re-reads.

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Saturday, January 26, 2008

wherever you will go.

Death and Life, Gustav Klimt.

recent events have reminded me that there is nothing more precious than health, happiness, friendship and love.

through life's troubles, i am still thankful for my shining stars.

And maybe I'll find out
A way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a greater wave shall fall
And fall upon us all
Then I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high, or down low
I'll go wherever you will g

Friday, January 25, 2008

adoration of the magi.

Adoration of the Magi, Leonardo da Vinci. The Uffizi Gallery, Florence.

The Virgin Mary and Child are depicted in the foreground and form a triangular shape with the Magi kneeling in adoration. Behind them is a semicircle of accompanying figures, including what may be a self-portrait of the young Leonardo (on the far right). In the background on the left is the ruin of a pagan building, on which workmen can be seen, apparently repairing it. On the right are men on horseback fighting, and a sketch of a rocky landscape.

The ruins are a possible reference to the Basilica of Maxentius, which, according to Medieval legend, the Romans claimed would stand until a virgin gave birth. It is supposed to have collapsed on the night of Christ's birth (in fact it was not even built until a later date). The ruins dominate a preparatory perspective drawing by Leonardo, which also features the fighting horsemen, but were relegated to the background in the final painting. The palm tree in the centre has associations with the Virgin Mary, partly due to the phrase 'You are stately as a palm tree' from the Song of Solomon, which is believed to prefigure her. As with Michelangelo's Doni Tondo the background is probably supposed to represent the Pagan world supplanted by the Christian world, as inaugurated by the events in the foreground.

Leonardo develops his pioneering use of chiaroscuro in the image, creating a seemingly chaotic mass of people plunged into darkness and confusion from which the Magi peer towards the brightly lit figures of Mary and Jesus, while the pagan world in the background carries on building and warring unaware of the new revelation.

from wiki.

i remember this in the uffizi gallery in florence. was struck by the arresting composition- how the darkened background seems to encircle and bring the foreground to glowing life. reading about the meaning behind the painting, it's even greater evidence of leonardo's genius. makes me miss italy too. beautiful art and yummy pasta!


foam hearts.

just like these, our own hearts seem permeable and malleable.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

for fear will rob him of all if he gives too much.

Cry, the beloved country, for the unborn child that is the inheritor of our fear. Let him not love the earth too deeply. Let him not laugh too gladly when the water runs through his fingers, nor stand too silent when the setting sun makes red the veld with fire. Let him not be too moved when the birds of his land are singing, nor give too much of his heart to a mountain or a valley. For fear will rob him of all if he gives too much.

- Alan Paton, from Cry, the Beloved Country

i love that quote, for with vivid imagery it conveys the central themes of the book very aptly. fear of losing that which we love is one of the most powerful and destructive emotions.


being afraid to stay awake, with too much time to think about things. realising that commitments, though tiring, are wonderful for letting each day pass. wishing for better news and happier times.


Wednesday, January 23, 2008


why are some people so blessed, and some so lost? who deserves happiness, and who deserves "that's awful" things happening to them?

i'm so tired now.

and because i'm resolving to do things now, and not wait... i love you, i love you and i love you.


a reality that is unreal.

we should tell all those we love that we love them.

a little love, to get us through the days.


Thursday, January 17, 2008

it's only me.

it struck me that some things i'd been waiting for had already come to pass, and i had since forgotten about them. these things have now become inconsequential, and unimportant.

and i am thankful for how time heals and renews. :)


Wednesday, January 16, 2008

i can't get started.

another very-early 6.30am morning at SGH, my last for the time being. we're here surveying the nurses for our community health project (CHP) and i've been posted to the O&G ward. tiny, adorable newborns! more than enough to make the hardest heart melt, methinks.


the art of edgar degas.

Dancer with a Bouquet of Flowers (Star of the Ballet), 1878.

The Dance Class (La Classe de Danse), 1873- 1876.

Ballet Rehearsal, 1873.

lovely additions to my page. i need to get to paris and new york, sometime soon.


i feel that life hasn't held much to look forward to, except the pockets of time during which one can find rest. sometimes i think i could make more of myself, yet other times i feel i've had just about enough already.


Sunday, January 13, 2008


happy 23rd birthday party marky! :) at the best birthday party of 2008! we had such a fantastic time yesterday night at the yacht club. delicious food in a gorgeous setting with much beloved company!


Thursday, January 10, 2008

the art of kawase hasui.

Benton Shrine.

Snow at Zozoji Temple.

Kakinose, Hogo.
Tengu Rock, Shiobara.

beautiful, dreamlike landscape prints. more here.


Sunday, January 06, 2008

oh baby baby, how was i supposed to know?

My loneliness is killing me
I must confess I still believe
When I'm not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign, hit me baby one more time

glad to be finally able to spend time with my bestest friends. happy homecoming, and have a safe trip back wupo! and enjoy your beijing adventure, henghui! :)

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Thursday, January 03, 2008

all that i want.

the night before patho, sleep being faraway and out of reach, realising that i was crying in bed on the first night of the new year, i felt so very small and helpless indeed.

And when the night is falling
Down the sky at midnight
Another year is stalling
Far away a good bye, good night

All that I want, all that I want, all that I want

So small a turning
The world grows older every day
An ache, a yearning
Soften when I hear you say

All that I want, all that I want


Tuesday, January 01, 2008

love, 2008.

saying goodbye to 2007 with kahheng over the phone, counting down in tune to the tv, laughing because it's the new year and it's back to the books and having no life soon enough.

thank you for so much in 2007. 'twas a strange, joyous, heartbreaking, at-times-magical year indeed.

here's to a great new year ahead. <3