Wednesday, September 30, 2009

The last photograph.

I took with Mom. She was awake but didn't really want it taken, so this is her (slightly) angry face of protest.

Mom, I miss you so much.
It is so hard to accept.
Looking through Mom's old phonebook, I see a page when she was trying to remember and practice writing my Aunts' phone numbers. Her handwriting is more squiggly and unstable than usual. This was probably a few months ago or so when her memory started failing and her motor coordination became worse. She never wrote much after and she would tell me that her right hand was "no good."
There are older entries too, written in her confident cursive. Under 'R', I see 'Roan' (How Mom spent Rou An's name) and 'Rats Catcher'. It brought a smile to my face.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I'm at home right now, and Mom isn't. This is a familiar feeling, as though she has been admitted to SGH again and I'll probably see her at 5pm for dinner. My maid will pack food and soup that Pap and I will bring to her.

But I won't be seeing her. Her absence permeates the day.

I will need to get away for abit.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Something Mom copied onto her address book, not sure of its origin.

Just for today, do not anger
Just for today, do not worry
Earn your living honestly
Honour your parents, elders and teachers
Give gratitude to every living thing and every situation

Mom's spirit and attitude towards life lives on in us.

Friday, September 25, 2009

I love you, always. Time is nothing.

Going to miss my Mommy so much. I find myself still talking to her and laughing about things I know she would find funny or comment about. I can imagine her commenting on the different wreaths. Mom liked lilies and when we had them at home the house would be filled with their gentle scent. She would probably say, the lotus designs on her coffin are nice. Mom loved simple, classic design. She would be happy to see all my friends coming to visit, and would be telling me to choose one of the boys again. She would be very specific on who would do or who wouldn't do though.
There are so many memories.
I'm thinking that I may have to wait fairly long (the rest of my life, depending on how long that is) to see her again, whilst she might not have to wait very long (since time ceases to exist after you pass on?). Looking forward to the day we meet again, when I feel her warm, enveloping embrace again. I'm comforted knowing she is happy with her own parents and my sister now.
And the line above from The Time Traveler's Wife. Time and death cannot change how much we love each other. I love her always.
Will write more when the time feels right.

Monday, September 21, 2009

To my mother.

Another quiet night at SGH. As I sit here, next to you while you gently sleep, I'm wishing the moment will last forever.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

So let it out and let it in. Hey Jude, begin.

Take a sad song.

Monday, September 14, 2009

All you need is.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Who stole the weekend.

This weekend has not been what I had expected. Some rest now, finally.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Be my mirror, my sword and shield.

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Some will win, some will lose, some were born to sing the blues.

Since I don't have much to say, I shall be posting various images I found interesting/ visually arresting/ desirable online. Oh, and I saw a really cute guy at Co-Op today. Haha, of all places.